Clover: parargraphs 1-3; Peter: paragraph 4

Somebody asked me today if it was very different being a dad as opposed to before I was a dad… yes and no.

While I was out to lunch with my wife today, I spent the whole time looking at the cute little critter in her arms instead of at her. It was kind of weird. I felt a little rude. I couldn’t stop looking at my little girl. I caught myself a couple of times and my wife was pretty cool about it. She was like you can look at whoever you want, so I spent the rest of time while we were at the restaurant staring at my Clover, even though she was sleeping the whole time. I just can’t help it. It is the same with when I am at work, or driving to work, or ever not with Clover. I just can’t stop thinking about hanging out with her. So being a dad has kind of shifted my thinking from what it was before. I can’t tell if I am more excited to hang out with Kristin because she is Kristin, My beautiful wife whom I love dearly and would love to be married to forever, or because I know she has Clover with her.

This is one of the things that I was never warned about. I used to just always think about how excited I was to get home and hang out with my beautiful wife. Not the case anymore… kind of. I am excited to see my beautiful wife… and Clover. I just want to go Clover, and I am a happy guy. Another thing…I love holding her (Clover) as much as I love holding my wife’s hand. I love kissing Clover’s forehead as much as I love kissing my wife’s. I was not prepared or expecting for such a complete, and instant, love. I spent a couple months getting to know my wife before I asked her to marry me (about 5), and I have only spent about a week with Clover, but I feel pretty much the same because I am as devoted to her as much as I am devoted to my wife. And to top it all off, I am afraid that if she were in a room with like 30 other babies and I would not be able to tell her apart from the rest. I am pretty sure that I would be able to… but she is changing so fast that I think I am noticing it. Like looking at the difference between my 8^th, 9^th, 10^th, and 11^th grade pictures, but over the course of a week, that and she hasn’t even said one word to me in English. But when she stares at me it is like a tractor beam, and I cant focus on anything else except for how totally precious this little girl is.

Nobody warned me about that.

Today one of my friends asked me of I was going to miss living in California, or if I was excited to get out and live somewhere else. I will miss my friends dearly; I will not miss California that much. I have over the last year been able to connect with people on a personal level more than I have in the past. I have not been anybodies boss for almost a year now. I have more friends now than I have had in longer than I can remember. It has been a real treat to be able to share my life with people in a setting aside from a business. I will miss my friends. I am, however, equally excited to give myself an opportunity to grow that I would have never had in California. I am excited about being able to reconnect with my family… not like I am a prodigal son or anything, but I have spent many of the last 15 years trying to put distance between me and my family. I have spent all of the last 5 years trying to bridge the gaps and bring close those relationships that I neglected. I am excited for the opportunity I will have to be close to my family once again. California cannot compete with that, ocean and Sombreros and all, cannot compete. Thanks for asking me the question though friend, because I hadn’t really thought about it before.

-p