We ate Popsicles on a bench today.

Dear Mr. Breinholt:

Thank you for you interest in becoming a volunteer for the Chula Vista Police Department. I regret to inform you were not selected for further consideration.

The information and material you submitted was evaluated based on the professional qualifications and experience deemed most appropriate for the responsibilities of the volunteer position. Please accept my wishes for future success in your career endeavors.

Sincerely,
Gary Wedge
Division Commander
Admin Services

It kind of bummed me out. Maybe this just means that I may spend less time in San Diego than I previously thought (at least another year anyway). It is also okay because it is not like I am finished with school and now job hunting, it was more like if I get this job it may be easier to get a job when I finish school and go job hunting. Does that make sense? At least they did not wait the full three to nine months to tell me either. This also means that I can reconsider my position on advancement at my current job. My boss keeps trying to promote me, and I have been like, not yet I might get that job in Chula Vista. But not any more, for at least another year anyway.
On a more fun note, my beautiful wife who has been boycotting “the blogs” because she thinks it is silly, kind of like myspace silly, that I have like a billion different websites for my family, decided to read them today. Today the boycott has been lifted. I strongly recommend that anybody who reads this try and watch somebody else read these blogs for the first time. It is precious.
I love my family. Seriously. I’m not joking. Seriously.

My chocolate egg melted in my car.

The last four days in a row it has been above 80 degrees outside. I know this because: a) we ran out of lids and straws for iced cups at work. b) I checked the weather. Awesome.

I think that I don’t really know what to think.

Let me share with you a story about what I do when I get grumpy.
Today at the tech mall of my school I was sitting down to print out the pictures of my nerd-core shirts to hand in to the contest. I noticed on my phone that I had five voicemails and on missed phone call. I thought hmmm, maybe I will check my voice mail. Before my mailbox even picked up a lab aide came over to me. Here is the dialog:
Her: Ummmm, I’m sorry but you cannot talk on your phone in the techmall
Me: I’m not talking; I am checking my voicemail, thank you though.
Her: I can see your mouth moving.
Me: I’m chewing gum genius. (stick my tongue out)
Her: I could hear you talking.
Me: (raised voice) No, it’s my voice mail, I don’t talk to it I listen to it. Here look and see. (hold phone up to her face) Is there anybody there or is it still just the computer lady telling me how to skip this message?
Her: It doesn’t matter, I heard you talking and you cannot do that.
Me: You’re a total champion. (put my phone in my pocket) Seriously. Good job.

Her: (walk away)

A couple things about this. I don’t usually argue with people, especially about stupid things like checking my voicemail. I kind of felt like an idiot when she walked away. I was also kind of thinking something like “alright man, you told her, nice one stupid.” Seriously the second she walked away I totally knew I just made a total idiot out of myself. The worst part was that I could not figure out how to print on the color printer, so when I went to ask where it was, guess who was at the help desk. Ohhh man. I think I will apologize to her on Wednesday. I hope after watching my antics she realizes that I was just having a bad day. I also wonder what her blog would look like for today, or if my yelling at her was even a big enough event to merit her writing about it. What if she is already over it because of what she has to deal with when she is not at the tech mall is so much worse than some random dude arguing with her about talking on the phone.

I'm not sure why I don't like to go into the ocean.

So I think I am really doing well. The thing that happened Friday was pretty scary, and I still get a little shaky at night when I am counting the tills or the safe at closing time. I am scheduled to open again on Friday, March 21. I think I will be okay. I understand that some people around me are really pretty worried that I am not dealing with what happened and I should be a total mess. Let me explain where I am coming from.
This was not the first near death experience I have ever had. I firmly believe seatbelts, airbags, helmet laws, first-aid kits, and 911 were created for people like me. I have to use my fingers and my toes to count the number of car accidents I have been in both as somebody in the car and as a pedestrian. I have cracked a helmet and ruined two jackets as results of wrecking four wheelers. I stopped keeping track of emergency room visits when they stopped giving me stickers for being a good patient and taping my stitches to Popsicle sticks. I have not been all the way dead once. Well, maybe I have, I know I got pretty close one time. You would have to ask Dr. John or Jake or Sarah about that one, I don’t remember that night very well. The point is that I am still here.
I was talking to my mother about last Friday, and she was saying that what would have scared her more was the guy exercising control over her. Pretty much I did what he said because my life was in his hands. She would have been really angry at the man. I think she had a good point. I was a little angry at the guy. It’s like who does he think he is? Coming in here and making me do stuff I don’t really want to do. Scaring the crap out of me. What a jerk. Aside from that, he didn’t really bug me. I was thinking about it and I think I figured out why. When I was in high school I went to a place called The Utah Boys Ranch. For the first two weeks the only thing I had permission to do was breathe and blink. I stood at attention all day long unless ordered to do something else, like stand at ease or move rocks, or pretend there is a chair next to the wall and sit on it. I know the staff members were not pointing a gun at my face. If I were to scratch my nose with out asking permission I would run a couple of ladders or do twenty pushups or whatever. My life was never on the line. All the same, I was doing things I did not want to do whether I liked it or not. Last Friday morning was not the first time my actions were fully dictated by somebody besides myself. I think that was why it didn’t really bug me as much as many people think it should have. Funny though, I never thought that any of the life training I got in the Boys Ranch would prepare me to handle an armed robbery.
I am not saying I am invincible. I am still kind of afraid to cross the street, even in a crosswalk. When I ride in a car with somebody else driving I usually close my eyes or fiddle with something instead of pay attention to the road. I am comfortable walking on sidewalks. Sometimes I go ahead and make the left turn instead of driving around the block to find a light. Time will eventually heal most wounds.
Am I going to remember this experience for the rest of my life? Yes. Is it going to change the way I function while at work? A little. Will it ever happen again? I don’t know. Am I going to let some strange guy with a gun run my life after he leaves the building? No.

When you day dream, you are always a hero.

Today I was granted with a very special insight in the field of police work. In many of my classes I have learned about victims and types of crimes and reports and witnesses and being a good witness etc. I have spent many hours in classrooms learning about how to deal with incidents and process victims and crime scenes for evidence.
This is the incident report for today:
At approximately 5:15 am a man wearing a bandana over his face and carrying a gun walked into my coffee shop. I was in the back room checking a daily order against the manifest and did not see him enter. He motioned for my partners in the front of the store to get down on the ground and not look up. He then went to the back of the store and pointed the gun at me and said something to the effect of “I need you to open the safe.” I don’t know if I replied audibly or not, I can’t remember. I remember thinking “Dude. No way. I hope this guy does not shoot anybody today.” I went to the front of the store and set the time lock on the safe. At gunpoint, I was commanded to open the tills while waiting for the safe time lock. I opened all of the tills and emptied the cash into a bag as instructed. When the safe alarm went off, I opened the safe and added its contents to the bag. The man told me to get down on the floor and count to thirty before moving and left the store. When the man was out of my sight I dialed 911.
End Report.
Notable reflections that I did not include in the incident report:
I was working with two mothers and a young lady who has just been engaged. A regular customer walked in while I was being escorted out of the back and instructed to lay down on the ground at gunpoint. I am pretty sure he is a father. Nobody was hurt. Both my manager and district manager arrived shortly after the police did. The partner asset protection manager arrived about ten minutes after my two bosses. The three ladies involved and I are going to be paid while attending a group counseling session tomorrow. Our company is going to pay for further private counseling if we choose to get it.
End Notes.
I have always heard about how hard it is to be a good witness, and that is why video cameras and stuff like that are really important. Today I learned first-hand how hard it is. Of all the details I can recall from this morning, the one that over shadows the rest is the absolute shock that went through my body when I first saw that gun, then the person holding it. I have been trained at nearly very job I have held how to handle a robbery. According to all three of my bosses today, I handled it like I was the one that wrote the textbook. I guess that in spite of knowing how to handle a robbery, I have always spent a good day or so after every training session day-dreaming about pulling a Jackie Chan move and reversing the gun, some how preventing the crime and incapacitating the perpetrator. I always knew that would never be the case, but I also always thought I would never be the one getting robbed. One of my co-workers called me to see how I was doing and among other things told me about how some partners were saying that would have pulled some Jackie Chan. “That was what I always said too.” Is what I replied.
I didn’t call anybody who is reading this about today because I have not really even completely processed all of what happened today. I don’t know what I would say except that I am okay. To be honest I have not been that much of a talker today and “I am okay, thanks” is about all that anyone could really get out of me aside from what I put in the report.
I love my family. I love my wife. I enjoy living and learning and playing with my cats.
In an Old Testament bible study class I am taking this semester we talked about the story of how someone was telling some other people they need to repent and prepare for the day of the lord because it is coming soon and Israel will be destroyed. We talked about how the day of our lord is not necessarily the day Jesus will return to earth, but how perhaps it may be the day we die and meet our maker. The story goes on to talk about getting our affairs in order and what not because this day may be any day. There is a theory called “The Mack Truck Theory” that kind of says the same thing. This theory is about how you never know when “BLAM!” A Mack truck comes out of nowhere and you’re dead while on your way to check the mail. Today was kind of an object lesson for me in this theory. I didn’t really like it because although I am working on it, all my affairs are not in order.
I don’t know what else to say. Today was a strange, scary day. I hope tomorrow is different.

"Your headphones are too loud, I don't want to hear it" -lab aide

Calculus is going to have to wait. I finally did it. I dropped my Trigonometry class again. I will be able to keep my book for next semester this time though. I don’t really understand it. Math typically comes pretty easy to me. I just have not been able to wrap my noodle ‘round radians and angle functions as well as I think I should be able to. Part of me thinks it may be because I have a few too many things going on this semester, but another part of me thinks this is the second time around, and I should get it by now. Either way, when I finally did drop the class after getting my second “F” on a test I felt a phenomenal sense of defeat. I have not decided yet if I dropped it more so to preserve my GPA or just because I might be able to understand it better next time around. I thought I would feel a little bit of relief when I did drop this class, like it was one less thing I had to worry about every day. I feel more disappointed in myself than relieved right now though, so it kind of bums me out. I guess that is the price I pay for being a perfectionist of sorts. :P

Nope, I’m not dead.

I took the Bazooka out for its first real ride yesterday. It was the first ride with the new paint job and mirrors. My buddy said the bike looks like Night Rider, I’m not sure if I would say that, but it sure does look rad. Now all that is really left before it is finished is to wrap the pipes, replace the clutch handle and maybe clutch cable, throw on some new hand grips and a tank protector. To get Kristin excited about the bazooka, I took her to the local cycle shop with me when I was looking for a couple bolts so she could look at jackets and helmets. SURPRISE! I left with new tire valve caps, and a new matching leather jacket and pants for my wife.

I bought a new barbecue today.

I finally realized what happens when you bite off more than you can chew.
My favorite joke for small talk at checkout stands is some form of “whatever you do, don’t work too hard, because it is the best way to get a headache.”
My other favorite supermarket joke is to reply “Why yes actually, I was hoping to find my marbles today, could you point me in the right direction?” when an employee of wherever I am shopping asks “Can I help you, sir?”
In the recent state of affairs, neither of my favorite jokes were really jokes at all, but dead serious.
In my life I never really thought out every situation I was about to get myself into and how it would affect me ten years down the road. I kind of wish I had paid more attention to the grand scheme of things instead of thinking about how a + b = c and c is not related to d because I don’t care, I am trying to create a c today. Change is definitely the theme for the week; in fact I have been instructed by somebody who has a huge part in what I will be doing with my life for the next two years to write a short essay about how I have changed.
I have not had an alcoholic drink in 32 months. Almost three years. The last time acted on the desire to self medicate with prescription narcotics was over 4 years ago. I have not taken any of my possessions to a pawn shop since 2003. I have never received a citation for being under the influence. I have not been late on rent since I decided to stop drinking. My driving privileges have not been forcefully revoked for over 3 years. In the last three years I have managed to keep my job for as long as I have wanted. I have managed to convince my wife to marry me and stay married to me for almost two years. I have been offered management positions in both my current job and most recent but previous employment. I have maintained a 4.0 GPA for 38 credits worth of college classes. I am now the chapter vice president for a national criminal justice organization. I lost the election for president by two votes to somebody who has been in the same program for at least twice as long as I have. I walked into a Police Station last week for a job interview instead of to pay a ticket. I have had more people than I can count on two hands volunteer to be a reference on my resume over the past three weeks while talking about an upcoming job interview. I have instructed classes on two different occasions on proper forensic methods and techniques. I have presented in countless meetings at work on proper procedures and new policies. My biggest enemy aside from my past is the fact that I am only 25 years old. I have not had enough time in my life to show that is has truly changed.
I have yet to take a college English class.
I am currently taking a class on report writing for police officers. My professor was talking about police reports. He said that any cop can make a good arrest. You can have the guy’s bloody fingerprint on the murder weapon and sixteen eyewitness as well as video footage, but this case may not make it into court. Why? The police officer who made the arrest cannot write a good report. I didn’t think that this would be so relevant so soon in my life.
-p.

I must be tired.

Tonight after reading all my emails and checking up on all my family’s websites and news letters and everything all I could think of to say was “seriously”. I clicked on the little comment pencil about five different times tonight and typed “seriously” in the box. I then realized I had nothing else to say and seriously looks kind of stupid by its self and erased it. I wasn’t even going to write anything tonight until like the fourth seriously. That’s when I thought “hmm, maybe I should put this in the book.” So I did. Seriously.

Dang. I had a really good one.

But I forgot it.
Kristin has a buddy whose friend is getting married. They made a workout schedule that is about 2 hours a day 5 days a week. Tonight while she was working out I planned on sanding down the epoxy stick body work I had done on the bazooka, washing everything, and putting on the primer coat if I had time. I saved my striping pants after I quit so that I don’t have to worry about ruining my clothes when I do stuff like work on the bazooka. I think tonight was the first time I have painted something and worked with epoxy while wearing them since I was a striper. It all came back to me. Anyway, just as I was finishing up the last little bit of work my beautiful wife called to let me know she was done working out. I told her I needed to get cleaned up so I would meet her at home and we would change and figure out what we are doing tonight. She called back about a minute later while I was putting everything away to see if I could just pick her and her buddy up and go to dinner. We went to La Salsa. I had the Burrito Grande. I got some of their avocado salsa. It reminded me of the first time I had ever eaten there with my brother Sam. It was for lunch while we were at work. We both got a Burrito Grande because we were starving, and they were both the size of our heads. I think I got sick from eating too much that day. Tonight made me think and laugh about times past because here I was, like 2 years later eating at La Salsa with paint all over my hands and even on my face wearing my striping pants. But this time it was my wife making fun of my painty face and I was wondering how my brother was coping with he chilly weather in SLC.