To Mason about Mason.

The first time I met you was while I was living in San Diego. I was on vacation, visiting my parents house, and it was Family Night. You were there with your mother and grandmother. You were between one and two. You would run around screaming and I did not know how to handle it. You had long hair, dirty hands and a sticky face. I didn't really know much about you.

Fast forward a couple of years. I moved to Salt Lake. Kristin is watching a couple of your cousins as well as Clover during the day. We get word from your Grandma that things in her life are changing, and she needs to find you a daycare. Kristin volunteers. It was supposed to be short term, while an arrangement was worked out between your aunts and uncles and mother for a more permanent home. It was kind of funny because I knew before Kristin volunteered that you were going to be a part of my life. I knew that I was going to be more involved in your life that I could really understand at the moment. As time went on, and I was able to be in your space while you spent time at our house it started to dawn on me. I don't think I understood with my head as well as I understood with my heart. You were part of my family. Not just my cousin's child, but my family. The one living in the four walls around my bed. I could see the relationship developing between you and Kristin. We would get occasional updates from your grandmother about what was going on, but not very often, or very informative. It was pretty cloudy for awhile.

I kind of think that the reason it took Kristin about a month to say something is because she was raised a little differently than I was. In spite of how she felt, she did not want to step on anybodies toes or stir things up. I didn't say anything because I wanted to find out what Kristin's heart was telling her without her knowing what I was looking to hear. Anyway, one day Kristin asked me what I thought about bringing you into our home. We had an opportunity to be the rock that I was so thankful for while I was kid... even more so in retrospect. She said she loved you as if you were her child and I knew that it was true. I kind of felt that was the plan all along, and expressed my thoughts. I told Kristin to call your grandmother and explain how she felt. I told Kristin to pour her heart out. She did. Your grandma listened. She talked to your mother. Your mother said that that was the best idea she had heard. We were excited.

After about a month or so of kind of planning and talking and kind of letting it mull over in a few heads and doing research and trying to figure out how things were going to go, we got a green light. We were filing for guardianship. You are going to be in our care.

I am as excited as I am scared. I know that this is the right place for you to be. I feel just as inadequate as I did when Clover was born. I am afraid that I won't be there for you when you need me. I am afraid that one day I may say or do something that you will hold against me. I am afraid that you may not want to learn the lessons I would like to teach you. I know that I will always do my best. I know that you will always know that I love you. I know that I am here to be a person you can look up to. It is my sincere hope that twenty years down the road you can appreciate me and my example for you the same way I appreciate my fathers. I know that ultimately all I want for you is to have a chance at being yourself and being happy and being able to handle the day to day garbage that life may shovel your way... among many other things... I don't think that I have enough space to finish this sentence.

Last Wednesday we went to court. The judge looked at us and asked Kristin who she was, then asked me who I was. I was holding you in my arms. You were looking over at your mother and Grandmother and waving and giving thumbs up the whole time. The judge said: “Everything looks in order, is there anybody who has any objections?... nope?... okay then. Let me sign this, and then take it downstairs to the clerk. They will finish it up there.” We went downstairs and got a few copies. I put one in my wallet. I am now your guardian. Wow.

The day before we went to court I was going to get your bed with your uncle Kam. You introduced me to him as your dad. I didn't really know how to take it. It still didn't quite seem real. Tonight about a week after court I was playing the guitar for you and Clover. You said “Can I have turn Dad? I want to play the Spider man song.” I almost had to stop and be like “Did anybody else hear that? Seriously? Anybody?”

I guess this is it. Ready or not. I now have a three year old. Welcome home Mason. Glad you are here. Hope you like it.

Love,

Dad.