Some of my barista's were so upset about my last day working with them that they had to use whipped cream to express their feelings instead of words.
Hey man, how's it been going?
Funny you should ask, let me tell you.
Funny you should ask, let me tell you.
I have not been able to share what I think and feel about the current state of affairs on planet pete online because I do not want to get anybody into trouble, myself included.
I have had a really hard time keeping my pain/sorrow from turning into anger/malice this last week or so. I have found myself slowly regressing to my most favorite high school mentality:
I have had a really hard time keeping my pain/sorrow from turning into anger/malice this last week or so. I have found myself slowly regressing to my most favorite high school mentality:
Apathetic at best, self-destructive at normal.
I am currently taking measures to restore my mental health to not such negative space. It has been rough.
Some times it is just a little too hard to see through the mountain of crap in front of my face and imagine sunshine and rainbows on the other side.
Today I saw a school counselor.
We had a chat. I found out that I am a few steps ahead of the average crowd. The average crowd being that “laid off and I don’t really know what I am going to do with myself and I am pretty mad about being laid off and I just wish it was over” crowd. I feel a little better.
Let me tell you a few things I found out, and a few things I managed to verbalize as I talked my situation through with the counselor.
I am actually doing something about my situation and the way I feel. That puts me huge step ahead from what I understand.
I did not just start school this semester, and have no idea what I want from school aside from the opportunity to get a job doing something different than the job that laid me off. That is another one of the things that puts me ahead.
I never want to have to shoot anybody.
Many officers never draw their weapon before they retire, and even fewer officers actually fire their weapon before they retire. I always liked to imagine that would be the case for me. Just go to work, help people, and go home. I have come the realization that this is not realistic. *flashback* I always imagined that that would never happen to me either. Some people it never happens too. I am not one of those. This realization kind of puts me a step back from where I was before I was laid off. It also scares the snot out of me because it kind of makes my whole list of jobs that I want to do, and have pursued in the last two years obsolete.
I found out that my school offers a course dedicated completely to figuring out careers that I would not have to shoot people in, guaranteed. It is a short term course that starts in March. I am going to take it. If I were an assistant manager, I would not be able to, but I am no longer an assistant manager, so there you have it. This kind of helps me feel better.
I found out that today that it is not just a daydream for me to be finished with my forensic certification by August. With a bit of work, and if a few things go my way I can make it happen. I also found out that it is not unrealistic to be finished with an Associate Degree in Administration of Justice before Christmas, same deal, a bit of work and a few things my way.
If I was still an assistant manager, this would not be possible. Here is my letter of gratitude:
Dear Starbucks,
Thank you so much for not looking me as a human being, but as just an 8 digit number next to a name and a position on a list. Thank you so much for forcing me to do what I really want to do with my life, even when I was really comfortable doing something I am really good at to your benefit. I seriously didn’t think I would ever be ready to take that step, now I am really excited about the thought of doing just that. I have not been this excited since my first day of college. Thank you. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to meet the people I have met over the last 3 years, without you many of my most cherished relationships would not exist. Thank you so much for forcing me to deal and work with people I absolutely loathe. (sidenote: I am willing to bet that if you know me well enough to be reading this, you are not one of these people, but rather one of the cherished relationships) With the experience gained through working with these people I feel like I can better handle myself in situations that are not really in my control and also a little more professionally in situations under my control. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to come back and work for you as a barista so that I can keep my benefit package. My wife and I want to start a family and we would be really afraid to do so if we did not have such wonderful coverage. Thank you.
Oh Starbucks, our relationship will never be the same. I don’t hate you guts even though I want to. I truly believe it takes love to hate, so I guess I am glad that I never really loved you in spite of the time I dedicated to getting to know you. I also refuse to dedicate the amount of energy it would require to hate you. I believe that like love, hate also takes work. Perhaps if you could, you would appreciate that.
I could not be where I am now without you, so to you I say thanks.
Sincerely,
-p
Some times it is just a little too hard to see through the mountain of crap in front of my face and imagine sunshine and rainbows on the other side.
Today I saw a school counselor.
We had a chat. I found out that I am a few steps ahead of the average crowd. The average crowd being that “laid off and I don’t really know what I am going to do with myself and I am pretty mad about being laid off and I just wish it was over” crowd. I feel a little better.
Let me tell you a few things I found out, and a few things I managed to verbalize as I talked my situation through with the counselor.
I am actually doing something about my situation and the way I feel. That puts me huge step ahead from what I understand.
I did not just start school this semester, and have no idea what I want from school aside from the opportunity to get a job doing something different than the job that laid me off. That is another one of the things that puts me ahead.
I never want to have to shoot anybody.
Many officers never draw their weapon before they retire, and even fewer officers actually fire their weapon before they retire. I always liked to imagine that would be the case for me. Just go to work, help people, and go home. I have come the realization that this is not realistic. *flashback* I always imagined that that would never happen to me either. Some people it never happens too. I am not one of those. This realization kind of puts me a step back from where I was before I was laid off. It also scares the snot out of me because it kind of makes my whole list of jobs that I want to do, and have pursued in the last two years obsolete.
I found out that my school offers a course dedicated completely to figuring out careers that I would not have to shoot people in, guaranteed. It is a short term course that starts in March. I am going to take it. If I were an assistant manager, I would not be able to, but I am no longer an assistant manager, so there you have it. This kind of helps me feel better.
I found out that today that it is not just a daydream for me to be finished with my forensic certification by August. With a bit of work, and if a few things go my way I can make it happen. I also found out that it is not unrealistic to be finished with an Associate Degree in Administration of Justice before Christmas, same deal, a bit of work and a few things my way.
If I was still an assistant manager, this would not be possible. Here is my letter of gratitude:
Dear Starbucks,
Thank you so much for not looking me as a human being, but as just an 8 digit number next to a name and a position on a list. Thank you so much for forcing me to do what I really want to do with my life, even when I was really comfortable doing something I am really good at to your benefit. I seriously didn’t think I would ever be ready to take that step, now I am really excited about the thought of doing just that. I have not been this excited since my first day of college. Thank you. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to meet the people I have met over the last 3 years, without you many of my most cherished relationships would not exist. Thank you so much for forcing me to deal and work with people I absolutely loathe. (sidenote: I am willing to bet that if you know me well enough to be reading this, you are not one of these people, but rather one of the cherished relationships) With the experience gained through working with these people I feel like I can better handle myself in situations that are not really in my control and also a little more professionally in situations under my control. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to come back and work for you as a barista so that I can keep my benefit package. My wife and I want to start a family and we would be really afraid to do so if we did not have such wonderful coverage. Thank you.
Oh Starbucks, our relationship will never be the same. I don’t hate you guts even though I want to. I truly believe it takes love to hate, so I guess I am glad that I never really loved you in spite of the time I dedicated to getting to know you. I also refuse to dedicate the amount of energy it would require to hate you. I believe that like love, hate also takes work. Perhaps if you could, you would appreciate that.
I could not be where I am now without you, so to you I say thanks.
Sincerely,
-p
1 comment:
Great post, Pete. I'm glad that you have had some time to reflect, and organize your thoughts. Last summer I was kind of bummed about they way work was going, and my bike was stolen, that same day. So I decided to run home with a backpack on. It was kind of miserable, as far as runs go. I got chaffed from the backpack, and everything. But it was nice to have those couple of hours to just assess everything in my head and put things in perspective, while venting my frustration through running. It totally helped. Keep your chin up.
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