Did you watch Unsolved Mysteries when you were a kid?

Some of the stories Unsolved Mysteries would show included Bigfoot, Champ the monster from Lake Champlain, many various ghost stories, abductions, and whatnot.
I wish they would have done an episode on the microwave handle.
Since they didn’t however, I have been forced to investigate this one on my own. I was pretty close, but alas my most concrete theory may have a problem, and I may have to abandon it.
Let me give you a rundown of my most recent finding:
Contrary to popular belief, as reported earlier this year, it wasn’t a botched attempt by Sosj to frame Mach 5 and get her kicked out o the house. I saw through that one in no time flat. Let me ask you, how could Mach 5 have quietly held still long enough to break something firstly, and secondly does she really have the body mass required to apply the proper leverage? Let me answer that for you: No. Resounding no. With that theory blown out of the water, there has been some speculation that grandpa, not all our grandpa, but Pete’s grandpa, being manipulated by Pete in a very clumsy fashion broke the microwave handle melting butter for popcorn. After extensive interviews, I have concluded that grandpa is innocent beyond a doubt. That pretty much leaves the Jake and Sam theory. They were busy microwaving grass hoppers when mom came home, in their haste to get the grasshoppers out of the microwave and run, they broke the handle. Jake being such a quick thinker on his feet put the handle back in place so that the next person to use it would be blown away by their hidden super strength after “accidentally” ripping off the microwave handle. This has been a pretty tough theory to crack, however I feel like we must know what really happened, and have chosen to test as opposed to accept this theory. Using the scientific method as applied to investigations (this has been the basis of my college education thus far), I have been doing my best to disprove this theory, however my failure in doing so has only made it that much stronger… until today.
They are off the hook for now, as this new evidence produces sufficient or “reasonable” doubt that there may have been a different scenario.
This new different scenario involves a known associate of Ted Swenson, who was in fact living in our basement at the time. I am theorizing that Ted invited him over to use our microwave after his friend explained that his microwave was a “freakin’ piece of crap that doesn’t cook… he wanted his turkey breast and freaking gravy… he was freaking starving” I have not been able to catch up with Ted to verify this theory since there hasn’t been a wedding in my family since the theory has come to light. As a result, the validity of this theory, for now, falls primarily on the suspect’s track record with microwaves, which has been thoroughly documented by his little brother on this video.
Maybe he broke the microwave handle... we may never know…
Until next time…
-p