idiot book: completely unabridged and kind of not smart.

I case you were wondering.

2012-01-14T00:48:00.002-07:00

I have been well. Still kind of doing the same thing. Working, thinking about all the stuff I don't do but wish I did. Updating the idiot book being one of them. I bought a new video game last month. That is pretty much what I have been doing in my spare time. Playing video games on my computer and watching TV on netflix. Pretty lame I know.

Work is still work. I am still in the same position at the same store. Kind of a trip. I am kind of getting itchy feet. I think that although I spent many years with Starbucks, I averaged about one store a year. It feels weird to be able to look at my stores history right now, and know that I am the one who made it. I feel much more comfortable in my shoes. I have some days when on the way home I think about how my team totally rocked it, and how we can reproduce the same results, but better tomorrow. There have also been some days when I think about surfing craigslist job postings when I get home to see if there is something different out there. In the end, I am always reminded about how much I do enjoy my job and the people I work with. Yep. Much more comfortable in my shoes.

Kristin is doing well. She woke me up the other day almost in tears because she tried to give herself a haircut with the clippers. It was my job to try and fix it. Oh man is she precious. She is still watching children for work. She has added two charges since the last time I wrote. She is up to four kids a day on a regular basis, and is still bugging me about having another one of our own. I think she is more cut out to be a mother than she thinks she is, because I have trouble hanging out with the whole rowdy crew one day a week. I don't know how she does it. She has also decided that she is going to go to school to become an... herbologist? Is that what its called? It is fun to watch her look through books and try new things and get excited about something. We plan on signing her up once the van is paid off.

Did I mention that we own a van? I think so.

Clover, Clover, Clover. My little peanut is not so little anymore. She can open doors if the knob is a real easy one to turn. She can also throw knuck', say “I love you daddy,” and almost put her own shoes on. She is talking more and more, it is fun to listen to her copy everything we say to her, and it is even funner to hear the stuff that comes out of her mouth on her own. She loves hanging out and watching gababadabada. ( Yo Gabba Gabba)

Life is good.

-p

My legs still ache from last time.

2011-08-24T21:49:00.002-06:00

Feeling good. Had a bit of a rocky day at work. Had a staff change that I wasn't quite ready for. Now I am kind of wearing two hats. Going to start tomorrow out with a workout. Hit the ground running... both figuratively and literally. Over all I am pretty pumped about how things are going. I have not been knocking everything out of the park the way I wish I was, but I have felt like the silly mistakes that kind of grind me down after awhile have been kind of not happening so much. Pretty good stuff.

I worked out on Tuesday. When I go tomorrow that will be two times in the same week since about a month. I decided that it helps me set myself up for a successful day. I also anticipate reaping the long term results of regular exercise and a moderately healthy diet... as in maybe less hamburgers. I weighed in at 240 today. Kind of bummed me out a little. Its not like I think that I am huge or anything but I still haven't managed to shed my baby weight. It took me until about my wife's third trimester to realize that I did not need to eat a full meal every time she did. We would go to a burrito joint a couple times a day and I would always order my favorite and take it to the house. I should have just been ordering chips and salsa or something.

Clover is pretty awesome. She is growing up that is for sure. Last night Kristin and I had the "I think it is about time for a toddler bed" conversation. If she is old enough to talk, she is old enough to be out of the crib. Some of the stuff I see her do kind of blows my mind. She just has to do everything Kristin and I do. In the morning when I get ready, she needs some hair gel, and to brush her teeth and after shave and everything that I do. It kind of cracks me up. I love her guts.

Here's to everything. Cheers.

-p

After dinner.

2011-08-24T20:58:00.002-06:00

"Any good excuse to go to the Cheesecake factory is a good excuse to go to the Cheesecake Factory."
-eg

I read my own blog last night.

2011-08-15T23:43:00.000-06:00

Hooray for Monday. Monday is usually the second day in my weekend. Yep. Sunday, then Monday. Not today. I went in to work today. It was a little weird. I kept thinking it was Tuesday. I stayed up pretty late last night. I couldn't sleep. It made it a little tougher to be at work today. As a result, I chose to drink some good ol' Dr. Pepper before the lunch rush. It was weird.

Let me back up a little bit.

My daily routine has changed a little bit since last march. I used to would have one or two cups of coffee in the morning, then take a cup to work to nurse through the lunch rush. I wold then have some sort of energy drink around 3 or so to get me through the rest of the day without blowing up on somebody. I did this for at least since I my early days at Zupas... over a year ago or so. Anyway, I started to get migraines that I could not get rid of. They would last for a couple days. They would get so bad sometimes that I would start to see stuff like little tracers or flashing lights or things like that. Last March I was having a pretty bad episode. I though I had a brain tumor or something. My assistant actually sent me home. I went to the doctor and got a shot. She said no more caffeine and my headaches would go away. I said okay and that was that. No more caffeine.

I think that up until today I have had maybe six gulps of Pepsi and three gulps of Dr. Pepper. Not today. I was tired and decided to go nuts. I drank a whole cup. It gave me the jitters. It made lunch run well, but I couldn't hold still. I was talking really fast and kind of mumbling. I totally crashed right before dinner service. It was horrible. I was kind of grumpy all night and I think I actually snapped at a few of my worker bees and all could think about was my headache and how I just wanted to drink more DP.

I found out that it is all or nothing with something else in my life. Kind of annoying. Anyway. No more caffeine for me. Ever. Stupid. Maybe I should just take next Monday off for reals instead of just scheduling it off but going in because I get a wake up call from my Assistant about how things are blowing up around her.

Hooray for Monday!

Clover painted my toenails... by herself.

2011-08-15T01:05:00.001-06:00

So I have only made it to the gym once since the last report. I need to be a little more vigilant about that.

The other day at work one of my regular customers made a comment about how it looked like I was having a little too much fun at work. I explained to him that I believe that if I can't enjoy what I do then I shouldn't be doing it. He kinda thought about for second and replied: “So is this like a hobby for you then?” I laughed and said maybe. That night I went to my parents house because they were hosting a weeding reception for one of my cousins. After manning the refreshment table for the night, I realized that it is kind of a hobby for me. It made me laugh. Maybe if I can take that mentality to work next week it will be a great one.

Clover is growing up way to quickly. The other day when I was leaving for work she said “Bye daddy.” I think it was her first sentence ever. It stopped me dead in my tracks and I had to go back an give her another good bye kiss. She will not let me do anything for her any more. She wont use her sippy cup at meals if we have grown up cups on the table. Sometimes she climbs on the table, takes my spoon or fork and start to feed me. I think it is cute. Every day she blows my mind with how much she is growing. Maybe one day I should just do a post of pictures and videos that make of her. I t all happens so fast that I forget everything I am thinking about writing down.

Life is good. I am pretty pumped about how things are turning out around here. I do feel a kind of grown up. I have spent a lot of time over the last weeks kind of just reminiscing about things past and how far I have come since I even started writing the idiotbook. And then beyond? Oh man. Who would have thought.

-p

Am I meathead?

2011-08-04T06:51:00.002-06:00

I woke up at 5:15 to go to the gym this morning. I didn't go right away. I laid in bed for about half an hour debating on how bad I really wanted to go. I went. Pretty pumped that I did. I usually just run and bike a bit. Today I ran a little bit, but realized that I didn't want to run that much. So I stretched, and then decided push some weight for the first time since I was at Grossmont. I found out how much I cannot push anymore. I gassed out my arms way faster that I thought I should. It was a nice wake up call. Got me kind of excited about going back tomorrow and the day after and maybe not on Sunday, but yes, the day after, etc. Yep. I always forget how good I feel after a productive workout. I think If I write it down I will remember a little better and be more likely to no wait so long to get back in action.

Anyway... time to get ready for work.

Check ya later.

-p

It never gets any easier.

2011-08-01T02:38:00.002-06:00

In my interview for my current job, the question was asked: “What is your least favorite part of your job?”

“Holding those under me accountable. I don't like to be the bad guy, but it part of my job to make sure the rules are followed. I wish that I could always make everybody do the right things for the right reasons, but it doesn't always work out that way.”

I still feel the same. I have always kind of tired to think of myself not as the guy who fires people, but the guy who let people know that they quit by speaking with actions, and on some cases words. Does that make sense?

Anyway, it has never gotten any easier. I always feel like a little part of me dies when I have to let somebody go. Yep. I think it will always bum me out.

Clover likes to skate. It's cute.

2011-06-15T00:13:00.001-06:00

Wow. What a fierce couple of months. It is late and I think I am just going to put a couple of bullets to kind of play catchup for the last time spent under the radar. Maybe this will be like the list of stuff to write about when I have nothing to write about. Who knows.

Kristin and I bought our first house ever. We are now residents of West Jordan, Utah. Pretty cool.
I still work for Cafe Zupas. I celebrated my one year anniversary with them on March first.

I celebrated my 5 year wedding anniversary on April 23^rd.

We bought a house instead of went on a trip.
Clover got cuter.
Mason went to live with Mark. He seems to be doing very well. I am excited for him.
We moved to West Jordan.
I work a lot.
I kind of want to buy a motorcycle again now that it is warm outside.
I mowed my very own lawn for the first time ever.
I made it a point to go meet the neighbors. They all seem pretty cool.
I bought a smart phone. It is pretty smart.
I worked out... two times.
I almost died... both times.
I went to the chiropractor... many times.
It no longer hurts to sit or stand, and I have different things for breakfast other than alka seltzer.
I am a fan of chiropractors.
Life is good.
We quit house shopping... after we bought a house.

Yep. Pretty good stuff.

One of my goals for the next pretty much forever I guess is that now that I have my own space, I should really make it a point to develop some of my hobbies. I think I am going to ask for a welder for fathers day. Should be pretty sweet.

I think that I am also committing to myself to write more vigilantly. Yep. You heard it here first.

Yep. Hope its great. Feels great. Guess I just need to keep it up. Yep.

-p

We also sold the motorcycle.

2011-03-26T08:53:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I just lose the urge to write... months at at time. Like I want to write, and I know I should write, but I just don't.

The other day I started reading a book written by my mothers cousin again. It is called “Ride to the Wall.” I like it. I first read it in electronic version not to long after I started writing myself. Anyway, I was reading and decided that I better start writing again.

It is before work on a Saturday morning. Clover is awake and eating apple slices and frosted mini-wheat in her chair next to me. Mason is still asleep. I think Kristin is making pancakes. Yum.

So what is going on?

Clover is growing right up. She is now just over 15 months old. She refuses to let us feed her, she will only eat if she can feed herself. It is fun to watch, but a little sad at the same time. She is picking and choosing more and more of the activities that we can share together as her independence grows. She also know how to make everybody around her laugh. She is a real treat and blessing in my life. I still find myself looking at her when I am talking to my wife at times. I just can't get over how sweet I think she is.

Mason is growing right up as well. He is becoming more expressive and independent when he chooses to be. He enjoys hanging out with Kelton. He is still a pretty big fan of McQueen. He has been spending more time with his birth mother as well as some other significant figures in his life before us.

Kristin is still being the most supportive awesomest wife on the planet ever. She runs our house very skillfully, and I am constantly in awe of how she manages to do it. I always thought that I was a pretty patient guy, but then I get home and see her calm as a lake before dawn when I would be ripping my hair out and gluing children to the floor. I like that she still lets me think that I am in charge though.

We have been shopping for a house over the last month or so. Yeah, that is primarily what I have been doing instead writing, looking at real estate listings. Boooooring. It is vaguely familiar to what it was like in San Diego except for a few minor changes... We are in a position to look for a house... with a yard and garage as opposed to a condo... with out a few things that we would like. Our real estate agent is not a jerk. All in all we are enjoying the experience.

Moving out has its drawbacks as well. It will be kind of a bummer to not be able to walk around the back of my house in my poncho and slippers to my neighbor's house and ask what they are having for breakfast or lunch or dinner and ask if I can stay.

Work is going swimmingly. I have become better at walking out the door when I am scheduled to. I am still excited about every new day and the opportunity that they bring with them. The Utah Crime Lab is in close proximity to my store so some times they come through my line and I get little pangs in my heart about how cool it would be to have their job. Then I look down the line at the people I have working for me and get excited again. My store has yet to set a new record that we can't break again in a week. I have a new assistant as of last week. My bosses asked of they could trade for my other one as here expertise were need else where. It was one of those moments when I was happy and sad at the same time like when Clover doesn't let me feed her anymore. I was bummed to see her go when we were meshing so well as a team, but I was proud that of all the assistant managers in the universe, they asked for mine to help make things happen somewhere else as well. I am excited about my new Assistant as well. We are still learning to get to know each others styles and what not, but I think that we are going to a killer team as well.

That is pretty much it. Things are going well. I remembered how easy it is to write. Life is good.

-p

I know why I pass on sushi night.

2011-01-31T23:54:00.005-07:00

I don't like sushi. I just don't. It doesn't gross me out, I have tried it on many occasions... I feel like it has made me sick on my occasions as well... I have tried it raw, tempura style, veggie, with the ginger, with the wasabi, at the ocean, in a casino, during happy hour in Utah, everything. I just don't like it.

When I was younger I was able to have a list of two items on it that I did not have to eat for dinner. I am pretty sure mine was fish and spanish rice. This was a plan my mother implemented to make it so that all seven of her children would have to eat what was fixed for dinner unless what was fixed was on our list. If that was the case, then we could have a sandwich.

Anyway, I figured it out after taking my wife to get some sushi tonight. We ordered four or five different rolls, a seared spicy tuna salad, and a sprite. It wasn't until the end of the meal that I figured out how I felt about it. Kristin saved the last piece of a roll for me because it was my favorite out of all of them and I told her to eat it. She was like “But it was your favorite.”

“You're right... go ahead and eat it while I try to explain.”... long pause...

I feel like right here I should explain how I feel about rice: I pretty much only eat it to get full or because my mom made me. It is like ice cream or cake. They just help stretch out the good stuff, hot fudge and icing or filling. I will take my hot fudge sundae hold the ice cream please. When I make stir fry at home I do not make rice to go with it, I just eat my favorite part, the stir fry. If I do eat rice, I typically add it very sparingly, and eat it last, after I have finished all the good part of my meal and may not be full.

Fish... don't like it. Tuna, okay sometimes when I am in a mood, from the can and with dill pickles. Salmon, no thanks. Not smoked, grilled, broiled or 'cued have I managed to work up the desire for a second helping. Halibut, cod, mahi mahi, tilapia, trout, bass, shark, calamari, no thanks... just don't like it. Sometimes I do crave fish and chips, but I think that those cravings come when my mercury level is a bit low.

Back to the story... ...long pause...

I have realized that to me, sushi is just a rice dish that tastes like fish. Two things that I rarely eat on purpose. It is just not good to me. I don't hate it. I don't think it is bad for other people to enjoy. I don't get why people love it, but I never got why people would ruin salsa by putting mangoes in it either.

I finally put my finger on how I felt about it tonight. I am pretty pleased about it. I understand that I don't like sushi, I know why, and I am okay with it.

Sorry Anthony, I am never going to fall in love with sushi. The romanticism behind eating fishy rice rolled up in salty yuck is forever lost on me. Teppanyaki, okay, I'm down. Sushi, no thanks man.

-p

Smiley bear.

2011-01-24T01:43:00.002-07:00

Not even exactly sure what to write about. Just kind of sitting here... up late again... kind of surfing the web, kind of imagining how totally awesome this year is going to be and also mulling over the day in my head.

My comedy routine is up to two and a half jokes. Well, more like two jokes and and idea for joke but trying to see how I can make the idea make sense to a larger audience than the one that provoked the thought. I think that the funniest part of my mission to put together a comedy routine was when I was polishing a bit using my brother, unbeknownst to him, as the audience, and I was like “I am pretty sure girls invented carpooling.”

“No. Poor people invented the car pool. It was a necessity.”

“Right. Makes sense.”

That's what I get for not prepping him a bit. I am pretty sure he is so used to hearing idiotic stuff coming out of my mouth that he didn't even have to think before doing his duty as my brother and limiting my public idiocy.

I went to church today. It was nice. Talked a little bit about the baptism of Jesus. Talked a little bit about agency. There was some definite food for thought after my meetings. I never realized that some people feel like the idea of church cannot exist in a world alongside the idea of choice. As in that was the one exception. It was pretty interesting. Like I said, food for thought.

I am going to turn 29 this year. Should be cool I guess. Hope I don't have a melt down around my birthday. I guess that is pretty common around this age. I am at kind of a high risk of birthday meltdowns for the next three years or so. Any tips or tricks to avoid melting down would be nice, and welcomed.

Going to have my fifth wedding anniversary this year. Cool. I wonder if we are going to be able to go on a date on our anniversary or celebrate sometime around the week of. What am I supposed to buy Kristin for this one? Can't remember. China or a 2x4 or something like that? Can't remember. Maybe she will surprise me again by being like “Hey! I'm pregnant! Happy anniversary!”

I want to go to Alaska. It would be cool if I could make it happen this summer. I still think about when I went to New York a couple years back. I want to go back there too. That would be cool I if could make them both happen this year. Prolly not gonna happen, but it would be cool none the less.

Nope. Anniversary falls on a Saturday. Most likely going to be at work.

-p

good morning 2001. glad you made it.

2011-01-20T01:43:00.004-07:00

Mason on a snow day contemplating the next sled run.

Clover enjoying her favorite food ever. bananas.

I feel like I need to at least acknowledge that it has been more than just a while since I have updated the book. Over a month has come and gone. Oh man. What a month it has been.

I think I want to start with what happened when I walked in the door after work tonight.

When I walked into my house tonight there was a little girl named Clover in my kitchen. When she saw me she screamed and grinned so big that her pacifier almost fell out. It melted my heart. She then proceeded to book it over to me flapping her arms with excitement so she looked kind of like she was trying to shoo a cat or birds away while squealing and running smiling and making me smile like an idiot because she likes me better than her rhinoceros blanket and was happy that I was home.

I like Clover. I miss her when I am at work too.

Work. Where to start. It has been a real learning experience. Do you remember the first time you drove a clutch? You saw whoever you were learning from do it and was like, oh it will be easy, I got this, then ended up killing the car on the first try. Then laying a patch on the second try. Then maybe killing it again a couple times before managing to get a smooth start, but killing it a the next stop because you forgot to put the clutch back in? I am not sure if that is exactly how it went for me, but I wanted to paint a clear picture for my analogy. The manager I served under as an assistant made it look easy. I mean seriously. I felt like I was going to come out of the gate ready to totally knock it out of the park. Not the case. I mean to tie it back to the clutch analogy, I killed the car a few times, I got it moving, and now I feel pretty confident in my role so long as I don't kill when I am trying to turn left on a green light... especially with people waiting behind me. I am getting the hang of my store and my crew. I am getting more comfortable in my role. I still get heartburn when I know that my district mentor will be spending a few days at my store. That is why I am posting this right now. It is about one o'clock in the morning. I woke up with Clover at about midnight and started thinking about tomorrow, and couldn't go back to sleep. I guess that I just wish things would come together a little faster for me. That is kind of what I get for being such a perfectionist. I know that although I am doing very well with my new store, I know it is not perfect... yet. I also know that although I feel like I seldom make the same mistake twice, I somehow manage to keep finding new ones to make. For example, scheduling an afternoon of interviews when my boss is going to be at my store trying to teach me something new... tomorrow. I know that if I did not make any mistakes, I would not be learning anything, and I should be grateful for every opportunity to get better. I just would like some time to kind of let the car idle for a minute before trying to put it into gear again after killing it... know what I mean?

Anyway, all in all the move and transition to a new store and new position has been good. I am growing everyday. Zupas Valley Fair is pretty busy location. It has been kind of fun to see regulars from my other store come out to the new place. It has been fun to see the crazy amount of potential this store has. It has been kind of daunting to visualize that potential as a reality. I am excited to see what the future holds.

Enough about work.

Kristin is holding it steady at home. She has been a total rock for me over that last month as I have been working longer hours than either of us expected trying to get things rolling smoothly at my work. She is a pro at keeping me looking fresh with clean clothes for work and a clean house and well behaved children when I get home. We are really enjoying having both Sunday and Monday off together. We managed to watch the whole Bones season 5 over the weekend a couple weeks ago. We have also just had fun hanging out and laughing a lot together. I love her guts and enjoy her presence in my life.

Mason is doing his thing. What is his thing? Wearing big boy underwear and going potty in the toilet like Kelton and dad (in that order). He also loves making huge messes, lots of noise and giving snuggles.

Clover is growing right up. She has started signing. She walks or runs everywhere. She only crawls if... she doesn't crawl anymore. She likes to check and make sure that Kristin and I are sill alive a few times every night by yelling at us until we are awake. Precious as ever.

I am a little bummed out because of the ratio of work/ family content on this post. It is an accurate reflection of how life has been over the last couple months. I feel like I am mostly just checking in with my children over the weekends and some evening if manage to get home before they are in bed. Same with my wife. We talk on the phone the whole way home from work because that is when we have managed to get some of our best hang out time over that last few weeks. I love my family. I miss them more than I think I should... not because I think I like them too much, but because I feel like I should be able to spend more time with them on my new schedule. I do know that when I do get a solid handle on work I should be able to spend more time at home. It has just been a wild.

Thanks for being patient. Thanks for being supportive. Thanks for everything.

-p

Clover in a box.

2010-12-18T01:08:00.002-07:00

Okay... update.

Did you know that as of right now, there are only eight Cafe Zupas Managers in the whole universe? Yeah. I know. I thought the same thing... What does that have to do with anything? Well, guess what! I am one of them. In your face mediocrity.

Yeah, somebody has been promoted for doing two things, their genuine best and being themselves (is that the right word, or would it be “themself?”... not sure). I am pretty pumped. I seriously have a hard time expressing the excitement that has been blossoming inside of me for the last couple weeks. I wonder if it will be okay if I tell the story. I guess my store manager won't mind. Oh man I am so funny.

Maybe I will just stick to the highlights... I can get a little long winded with my story telling.

One night a couple of the brass came in and asked if I had a minute. Sure. The interview for the job I didn't ever officially apply for consisted of two questions.

Question number one: What do you like about your job here at Zupas?

Answer: As cheesy as it may sound, everything. Seriously. I like everything about my job. If I could buy stock I would. (in a nutshell)

Question number 2: Would you be willing to accept a GM position at our new Valley Fair store?

Answer: Seriously? Heck yes! Seriously? Of course. Heck yes! I would love this opportunity.

End interview. Yeah I know right? I mean I think there was a little bit of conversation after that, but I get a little fuzzy with the details. That's pretty much it. I want ed to share.. have not been up to writing a whole lot lately... maybe ill get over it... the writers block... happy Friday!

-p

Much to be thankful for.

2010-12-05T10:42:00.002-07:00

Clover is growing more teeth.

Mason is growing more accustomed to using the toilet.

Kristin is growing more hot.

I am growing more old, it seems.

Sometimes its all just so fast.

2010-11-16T23:48:00.005-07:00

I haven't really been up to writing lately. Work has been super busy and I have been battling with a sinus infection that makes me want to smash my hand with a hammer just to see if there is anything that can get my full attention.

Work has been busy. We are opening a new store the in the beginning of December and so we are training people like crazy at my store. It is definitely a stretch to train those people on top of the people we are training for our own store on top of keeping those who are already trained still learning and challenging themselves on top of focusing on the task at hand in spite of the constant daydreams about all of the new potential opportunities that are inherent to any growing company. However, in spite of how busy work manages to keep me, I still really enjoy it. It has been a real treat to see how much I have managed to grow as a manager and a person over the last months. I feel like this job provides something that my last one did not. It is real nice to be in an environment that inspires growth for .those who desire to grow as opposed to those who are buddies with those who are in charge.

Home has been nice. Mason is still teaching me all about everything that I never knew. I think that that is the other side of the growth coin. I have been learning so much about myself and how I respond and how I can change and how I function through the new life this guy brought with him. I am not sure if either of us was really ready for it, but I am sure that both of us are adapting swimmingly. Clover is still doing her thing. I woke up early this morning and so did she. We hung out and had breakfast together before any one else woke up. It was a real treat for me. We sat on the kitchen floor eating crackers and cereal. I wanted to take a picture of it, but it wasn't the image that I wanted to save, it was the feeling and the moment.

Maybe I should take pictures anyway... so that when I see them I don't forget about the moments. I never really thought about that before... I guess that I have never really been one for pictures. I don't know if I never really understood them or what... like I will take a picture and not download it. I cannot count on as many hands that are in house right now the number of rolls of film or disposable cameras that I have filled up and just thrown away. I mean, I share pictures... but I don't really look at them myself. Maybe I should put more thought and effort into my visual documentation of life for myself as much as others... yeah I think I will do that. You would think that after as many hours as I have spent learning how to photograph and document evidence that I would have just brought it over into my personal life without thinking about it. I guess that I have always just thought of documenting to share with others, not to keep to myself.

Soooooo.

Yep.

This is an old picture. I just downloaded the SD card a couple weeks ago. I found it after I wrote the post. Maybe I will move it to the bottom. yeah I think I am going to do that. One of the pictures and moments that I was talking about. I like it.

To Mason about Mason.

2010-11-08T23:27:00.006-07:00

The first time I met you was while I was living in San Diego. I was on vacation, visiting my parents house, and it was Family Night. You were there with your mother and grandmother. You were between one and two. You would run around screaming and I did not know how to handle it. You had long hair, dirty hands and a sticky face. I didn't really know much about you.

Fast forward a couple of years. I moved to Salt Lake. Kristin is watching a couple of your cousins as well as Clover during the day. We get word from your Grandma that things in her life are changing, and she needs to find you a daycare. Kristin volunteers. It was supposed to be short term, while an arrangement was worked out between your aunts and uncles and mother for a more permanent home. It was kind of funny because I knew before Kristin volunteered that you were going to be a part of my life. I knew that I was going to be more involved in your life that I could really understand at the moment. As time went on, and I was able to be in your space while you spent time at our house it started to dawn on me. I don't think I understood with my head as well as I understood with my heart. You were part of my family. Not just my cousin's child, but my family. The one living in the four walls around my bed. I could see the relationship developing between you and Kristin. We would get occasional updates from your grandmother about what was going on, but not very often, or very informative. It was pretty cloudy for awhile.

I kind of think that the reason it took Kristin about a month to say something is because she was raised a little differently than I was. In spite of how she felt, she did not want to step on anybodies toes or stir things up. I didn't say anything because I wanted to find out what Kristin's heart was telling her without her knowing what I was looking to hear. Anyway, one day Kristin asked me what I thought about bringing you into our home. We had an opportunity to be the rock that I was so thankful for while I was kid... even more so in retrospect. She said she loved you as if you were her child and I knew that it was true. I kind of felt that was the plan all along, and expressed my thoughts. I told Kristin to call your grandmother and explain how she felt. I told Kristin to pour her heart out. She did. Your grandma listened. She talked to your mother. Your mother said that that was the best idea she had heard. We were excited.

After about a month or so of kind of planning and talking and kind of letting it mull over in a few heads and doing research and trying to figure out how things were going to go, we got a green light. We were filing for guardianship. You are going to be in our care.

I am as excited as I am scared. I know that this is the right place for you to be. I feel just as inadequate as I did when Clover was born. I am afraid that I won't be there for you when you need me. I am afraid that one day I may say or do something that you will hold against me. I am afraid that you may not want to learn the lessons I would like to teach you. I know that I will always do my best. I know that you will always know that I love you. I know that I am here to be a person you can look up to. It is my sincere hope that twenty years down the road you can appreciate me and my example for you the same way I appreciate my fathers. I know that ultimately all I want for you is to have a chance at being yourself and being happy and being able to handle the day to day garbage that life may shovel your way... among many other things... I don't think that I have enough space to finish this sentence.

Last Wednesday we went to court. The judge looked at us and asked Kristin who she was, then asked me who I was. I was holding you in my arms. You were looking over at your mother and Grandmother and waving and giving thumbs up the whole time. The judge said: “Everything looks in order, is there anybody who has any objections?... nope?... okay then. Let me sign this, and then take it downstairs to the clerk. They will finish it up there.” We went downstairs and got a few copies. I put one in my wallet. I am now your guardian. Wow.

The day before we went to court I was going to get your bed with your uncle Kam. You introduced me to him as your dad. I didn't really know how to take it. It still didn't quite seem real. Tonight about a week after court I was playing the guitar for you and Clover. You said “Can I have turn Dad? I want to play the Spider man song.” I almost had to stop and be like “Did anybody else hear that? Seriously? Anybody?”

I guess this is it. Ready or not. I now have a three year old. Welcome home Mason. Glad you are here. Hope you like it.

Love,

Dad.

Bloody toes before the sun is up.

2010-11-06T08:06:00.003-06:00

"GRRRRAAAHHHHH!!!! I am so sick of kicking toys." -kb

Clover did something for the first time ever today.

2010-11-04T22:44:00.003-06:00

My little baby is growing up. 'nuff said.

I am glad it didn't wake the baby.

2010-11-04T09:11:00.001-06:00

This conversation happened about 10 minutes after we turned out the lights and went to bed.
It was just so funny I wanted to share.
“Hahaha SNORT”
“Whats so funny Kristin?”
“What?”
“You just laughed so hard you snorted, what's so funny? Did you think of a joke?”
“Yeah, but I was half asleep, so I forgot it.”
“What?”
“I was dreaming about the joke, and it was really funny, then I realized that I was a sleep and it was just a joke, so I woke up... Doesn't that happen to you sometimes?”
“No.”
“Huh. Well it was funny... I just forgot. Good night.”

Mason and a guitar. Good stuff.

2010-11-02T02:59:00.008-06:00

This is one of those times when I should be asleep but am not.
It has kind of been one of those weeks when I just want to give up and let the world run me over. Maybe it has just been one of those days, and I am seeing the week in retrospect through the lens of today. I don't feel like I did my job very well at work today. I feel like it has to do with something unrelated though. You know when somebody blows up about something trivial and you know there is something else going on? I think that was my day today, but it more like blew up in my face I guess. I just couldn't really handle the little things that I usually don't even think twice about because they are so insignificant. All well. My next day will be a better day.
One day I was talking to my brother Jake about how he manages to keep up all his projects at the same time and he explained that there would be nights that I would not be able to sleep after Clover was born... I would just kind of be awake thinking about the world and worrying about crap. Tonight is one of those nights.
This is going to be a post about Mason. I would like to preface it with a statement that will help to clear up the in between the lines feelings I am hoping are expressed through this post.
Mason. I consider him my son. I call him my son. I feel like he is a son of mine, and as such, I love, treat, and care for him like... my son.
Having Mason join my family in a more intimate sense has been an adjustment to say the least. Although I would rather not go to court to be able to provide for him with the best of my abilities, it is something that must be done. The date is set for Wednesday morning. Two days away. I am not sure about how much I should share, I am kind of a compulsive bean spiller. I guess I will do my best to just keep it to the highlights. My cousin is a single mother who has been blessed with Mason at a time in her life when she is still kind of unsure who she is, and where she herself stands in this place called life. She is currently working her way through school. She is also on a huge personal quest to kind of figure out how to live within the boundaries of her priorities as opposed to her priorities being to cross boundaries. One of her newer priorities is to be able to provide a safe, solid, and positive environment in which to raise her child. In the past, she has relied on her mother to kind of help make ends meet as far as care for Mason. Her mother has encountered some circumstances in her own life that are not very conducive to being able to take care of both her own child as well as Mason. Kristin was already watching Mason a few days a week, and fell in love with the little guy. We offered to assist our cousin on her journey, and turn Kristin's care of Mason into a more full time thing. The plan is for Mason to be with us while his mother is working to kind of get things a little more evened out. We do not yet have a time line. I guess this is why the whole court thing is going to be really hard for everybody involved. My cousin in every way loves her child to death. There is no doubt in my mind about that. I feel like I am breaking her heart by asking her to sign her rights of guardianship over to Kristin and I. I also feel like this is a necessary step in order to be able to take the care of Mason out of the equation and give her a smaller field of focus as far getting herself in order. The way I explained it to her was along the lines of:
“Do you ever just look around and take in everything and get intimidated or scared or flustered to the point where you do nothing and everything gets worse? I like to refer to this as a full plate. Well, let us take Mason off your plate for now, and let you address the rest of the plate. We are not stealing Mason, we are not going to hide him from you, you can visit anytime you want, you can even sleep over here in his room with him if at some point you feel like this would be a better place to spend the night. (Mason spends a couple nights a week at his mothers house) When you get things in order, he will be here, happy, healthy and still very much a part of your life, and he will be here... period. We will take care of everything on the Mason end so you can focus on you.” She agreed.
I guess that is the hard part. Knowing that we are taking this little guy in already looking forward to a day when he will move out. It really bums me out. The idea of the extreme range of bittersweet we are setting ourselves up for kind of makes me a little sick to my stomach.
I guess this is the message I would like my cousin to get regarding out date on Wednesday. As tough as this may be, I want you to know that I am rooting for you. I am here for Mason. I am here to support my family... my wife, my children, and all of those who I can assist. I don't want this to crush you. I don't want this to make you feel like a failure. As much as I may feel other wise, I don't want to keep your child forever. I would like to be in his life forever, but I also feel very strongly that nobody can provide care for a child with the same capacity as their mother, and as such, I feel like he belongs with his mother. Please, please, please, work through this. We are here for you, but we need you to do your thing too.
I hope I kept enough beans to myself. I just needed to kind of let a few out...
I was getting gassy...
Not really, but I was getting a little grumpy and unable to perform my basic daily functions as I feel like I ought to... like sleep. It's 3 Am. Goodnight.
-p

I will get grounded when she sees this.

2010-10-27T00:10:00.005-06:00

Tonight is one of those nights when I wish that my day off had a snooze button. I am not ready for it to be over. I would like to just eke a couple more hours out of it. It has been a nice day.
I have been kind of just killing time lately... not really doing anything productive. I started playing a campaign on my stupid video game, and much like when I pick up a book, I just want to get it over with. Not because I don't enjoy it, but because I do not like to leave a job undone. That is what I have spent my free time doing over the last week...s. It has dawned on me that although it has been quite easy lately, it is not my goal to ignore the idiotbook. So...
Tonight I went on a date with my wife. It kind of fit the MO of our dates when we first started dating.
-“Mo?” (pronounced like moe, with a long “o”
-“M O”
-“Mo? What? What is your Mo?”
The next paragraph was spoken like a hick... I have realized that I have changed from talking with a lisp to talking like a cowboy when I am making a funny.
-“Not “mo” dummy. MO is an acronym. It is like how SCUBA isn't really a word, the letters in the word stand for their own words. SCUBA is an abbreviation of Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus that should make sense to most people. MO is short for modus operandi, it's latin. It means method of operation... as in how we do things around here, but with fewer syllables. Get it straight.”
Actual conversation from work the other day. I kind of wish I could figure out a way to put in my stand up routine. Man... jokes are hard sometimes. I guess that if everything that was kind of funny in real life was easy to put into a joke, everybody would be a stand up comic.
Back to the date.
We got a babysitter for Clover, and dropped Mason off with his mother so that we didn't have to worry about children at all. We dropped Clover off first, then went down town to drop Mason off. For our date, we went to walk around Ikea for a little bit. We sat down to eat some cake and fries. After that we started to kind of peruse a few things... then realized that we only had about five minutes until we said we would pick Clover up. Due to horrible driving conditions, we had been at Ikea only about 20 minutes total. We literally ran through the store, laughing... and kind of making fart noises... the whole way because it was all fun and games on our totally hot but only about a half an hour kid free date. When we got to our babysitters house, her older sister had just arrived home, and was still in the driveway. She asked why we were here so early, and we explained that it was a school night so we didn't feel comfortable making her little sister work past eight o'clock. Older sister got mad and explained that she raced home from class so that she could have an hour or so to play with Clover and promptly kicked us out of her driveway. We drove around for a bit, got a couple snacks and some gas at a random gas station, then walked around a grocery store for a little bit. While walking up to the porch to pick Clover up for the second time, we started laughing at how totally lame our date would look from the outside. We had fun. That was our MO. When we started dating, we were both broke. We would go random places and do random things, and eat at the gas stations along the way when we had to put gas in the car, which was every date because we were never limited on time. We would quite literally drive all night if we were in the mood. We would always laugh... a lot. I like spending time with my wife. I think that we have fun together. It was very nice to be able to ignore everything except the wild fun time I have driving around in the car with my wife.
The kind of funny thing about it all was that it wasn't really meant to be a date at first. It was meant to be a break from the four children that were more like pills than children today. It just kind of turned into a date because it was way shorter than a vacation, even thought it was totally as much fun as any vacation I have ever been on. It was nice. It was another time to put in the bucket of things that remind me that it is not really where I go or what I do that brings me joy, but the person I have decided to spend my life with.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family... I value the friends that I have... there is just only one person on this planet that is my wife. Just sayin'.
A snooze button would be nice... not quite ready for bed yet.

Wet, Cold, and up by 40.

2010-10-23T23:52:00.004-06:00

"I think that football should only last for one half, not two." -kb
about 2 minutes into the fourth quarter of the Utah vs CSU game.

it made ashtyn laugh pretty hard.

2010-10-21T22:11:00.001-06:00

"I wasn't yawning, I was just smiling... like a shark." -pjb

Good-bye Quiet Mornings, Hello McQueen.

2010-10-15T09:04:00.003-06:00

I am one of those people that likes to just sit in the morning. I am kind of a slow waker upper. Most who have slept in the same house as I can attest to my bear like sleeping habits. It has not changed with age. I mean, When I need to get up and go, I will, but I won't quite be awake. At work, when I am the first one there because it is so early, I will leave the lights off, just to kind of give myself time to adjust to the coming day. Yep. I like to sit on my seat for a while... I like my coffee a little on the cold side. I don't mind it if my breakfast isn't piping hot. I just take a little time to kind of soak it all in before I worry about that stuff.
So, one of the changes along with bringing Mason into our family is mornings. For the time being Clover has been pretty cooperative with the idea of just kind of sitting in the morning. Mason... not on board. For the last two days I have been a race track, starting line, finish line, cliff to fall off and pit stop while sitting on my chair in the morning. I have been quizzed on the identities of Mack, King, Queen, and Doc Huds'. I have been urged to participate with the engine revving and fantastic cliff dives or wrecks... I am not sure which is happening, I just know that you have to scream at what seems the top of your lungs on the way down... off my knee and on to the floor. I am a little bummed out because I know that something has got to change as far as my mornings are concerned. Lets walk through it. Morning time? Nope, still going to happen at the same time every day whether I want it to or not. Definitely not changing. Coffee or breakfast time? Nope. Cannot have either of these until AFTER I wake up. My sitting chair's location? Maybe... no. I like to be a part of the family in spite of my attitude early in the mornings. One of the things I like doing while sitting is kind of watching my family do their morning things. Maybe I am gathering inspiration for my own morning while watching them go about theirs. Nope, not moving the chair. Mason? Lol. No. How am I going to be able to tell this precious happy boy not to play or enjoy life when that is a message that is going to be forced down his throat for the rest of his life from way to many other sources. No, that is not the message I want to send any of my children. I hope I never do send that message whether I am trying to or not. Me? Sounds like the best idea. I think of all the factors going into my morning, I am the one I have the most control over as well as the one that can effect the most positive results. Yep. I guess that's it. The time has come in my life when I need to wake up ready to race the Piston Cup.
Maybe I will start waking up earlier as my first change... mmmm... maybe not... not yet. I think I will try racing first.

Yeah, this happy.

2010-10-15T00:30:00.002-06:00

Wow, what a week. Lets start with the light and get more serious howabout.
-I got sick. I have been blowing snot out of my nose since Saturday. I am finally recovering. I think that by the time I get up for work next Monday, I should be able to say that I am all better.
-My best shift lead on the planet ever was promoted. Saturday was her last day. Her replacement showed up to work just in time to quit on Monday.
-Kristin's mom and grandparents are coming up on Friday. They will be staying until next Monday. I took Saturday off. It should be a pretty fun weekend. Drives up the canyon and barbecues. Heck yes.
-The headlights don't work on m car sometimes, so I drive home from work with my brights on occasionally. I am not sure what I will say if I get pulled over for it. I don't know why sometimes the headlights work and sometimes they don't. It is pretty weird. Never had a problem like this one before.
-My family grew by one over the weekend. Kristin and I are filing for guardianship of one of the children my wife watches occasionally. He moved in with us last Saturday. I am still not quite sure how to explain how I feel about it. It all happened so suddenly. Typically there is a nine month long period before a child is born that you can use to wrap your mind around the idea of becoming a parent. Not in this case. It is like Kristin got pregnant, had the kid, and he grew up to almost 3 years (I think) all over the weekend. I am pretty pumped for sure. I guess I really took for granted all of the times I spent pondering about how I would be a good father to Clover before I had actually had the pleasure of seeing her sweet face. Maybe I will apply most of the same principles, but in a slightly different way, because Mason is not a daughter, but a son. Hmm. Anyway. It has been real nice to have him around. I know that Kristin and I had planned on adopting and fostering when we were a bit more established and what not, but this feels like the right place and the right time for everything. It has been interesting, the mix of flack and support we have been getting from every direction whether it be unsolicited or not. I guess that I am just excited that both Masons mother and the big guy upstairs feel like I am the man to be this child's father for now.
-Maybe back to the lighter stuff I guess.
-Clover is still one of cutest things ever. She likes to walk around while holding on to my fingers. It cracks me up when she does because she is like running and grinning and running, but with her arms up above her head and her little baby potbelly leading the way. Just try it. It looks funny when adults do it too... at least that is what I think judging by the reaction of some of my line servers when I was showing them how funny I thought it as the other night. Here... I will give instructions... just print these out or explain them to someone else, and have them follow the instructions while you watch. It will be wild. Then imagine a little baby doing it. That is what I watch for my cartoons every day before work.
-instructions:
Where to start... get into character. Imagine the most absolutely goofy, over the top “I am so happy I might drool because my smile is so big,” happy face you can imagine. Got it? Okay. Put it on. Wear that face. Okay, now put your arms up above your head... not straight, but kind bent at the elbows... kind of like you are imagining riding a motorcycle with ape hanger handlebars. Now start running... not very fast, but kind of like you are just learning how to and you might trip over your own feet on every step. Maybe even kind of limp run if it is easier to do. If you are doing this from the end of a long hall with a mirror at the other end then you know what I am talking about. If you are doing this because somebody gave these instructions to follow, look at the look on their face, and think about giving the instructions back to them and telling them its their turn to show you how funny it is... then do it.
-p

One of those times when I should have been dead.

2010-10-06T23:45:00.002-06:00

My brother found this movie link *movie link*
and posted it onto facebook with the question: “Pete, what does this feel like?”
I started to post a reply and it got a little wordy and I knew where it was going to go... here.
The story starts back when I was a wee eighteen years old. I had purchased a couple of old arm chairs for my room, which was at the time really big. Now let me explain what I mean by old arm chairs. Something kind of like *this* but different. They were left over form the 70's. They were striped and burnt orange and velvet and as tacky as you can get and twelve dollars for the pair. As my father and I were driving home, we were at a stop light and somebody pulled up next to us to let us know that something flew out of the back of our truck and landed in the road a little ways back. We turned around and sure enough, there it was. The arm cover for one of the chairs. My dad pulled over and I jumped out... can you see where this is going? Anyway, I looked both ways, and didn't see a car. I guess this is where I describe the road. It was on 9000 South, just East of 1300 West... right where it comes out of the river bottom. The speed limit here was 45 MPH at the time. The road had two lanes going either way, and a suicide? lane in the middle. (I don't know the technical term for this lane) The arm chair cover was in in the very middle of the very middle lane. So... there were no cars coming. I ran out into the road, picked up the arm cover, and turned around without looking, and started walking or jogging... not really hurrying in any way, I am not sure why, back to the truck. I can't remember what I was looking at while I was coming back... I think I was inspecting the cover for damage. I was abruptly brought out my train of thought when I heard my dad yell “PETE!” I looked to my right and jumped at the same time. POW! It hit me. A turquoise Saturn. I remember looking at the face of the lady driving the car and seeing the look of absolute terror in her eyes as I held out both of my arms to brace the impact I was about to have with the windshield. I watched the glass crack in spiderwebs out from my hands and then remember rolling over the car, but only getting half way, and then rolling back over the hood, then onto the ground and thinking about how I felt like I could see angels manipulating my body while I was in the air (between the hood of the car and the ground) so that I would land in such a way that I would just roll for a little bit and be okay as opposed to landing flat on my face and being not okay. This is where I answer the question posed by Jake: I got up and it felt like... you know when you get pinched... *sidenote* I think it is funny that you asked this Jake, because when describing what it feels like I always picture the closet door in your old room for some reason... *end note* in a closet door and it feels like it is bleeding, but it hasn't broken the skin and it almost kind of burns a little? That is what it felt like. I am sure I was in shock, but I seriously thought that all I did was pinch my side somehow. I got up and tried to walk it off. After a couple circles, and the pain was still there I decided to check it out. I lifted up my shirt and I could see a huge flap of something hanging down to my side and my hip bone at the bottom of the hole created by the something hanging. I thought I was going to die. In my state of shock, I thought I had punctured my chest cavity and I though that my lungs were going to collapse. I saw stars, and that is the closest I have ever been to fainting at the sight of one of my own injuries. It turned out that I had caught my hip on the edge created from pushing in the wind shield and the roof of the car. That is why did not go over the car, because my hip caught and flung me back the other way. It was a deep cut, all the way to the bone, and it felt like a pinch from a closet door. I had hit the car so hard that when my arms hit the roof at some point during the experience, they hit hard enough to pull the paint off roof. I had turquoise tear drops on both of my fore arms. It was pretty interesting.. in retrospect. When my mom showed up to the scene, she asked if I was okay. I told here I was, and asked about the arm cover. She said forget the cover, it is just a cheap thing. I said “I just got hit by car for that cover, if I don't have that, then this was all for nothing.” She got so mad that she left and told my dad to call her with any updates.
I think that is about it. About 200 stitches and 3 hours later I was walking on my own.

Clover is learning how to play guitar.

2010-09-29T23:38:00.003-06:00

Thing are going well. It has dawned on me that although I have been pretty posty lately, I have not been very newsy.
I have organized the news into six different sections, kind of like a newspaper. So here is a table of contents. I hope this update is adequate.
-Clover
-Kristin
-Work
-Writing
-Stuff
-Wrap up

Clover bear my little princess.
Clover is growing to say the least. We are going in to the doctors office next Tuesday for her nine month checkup. That means that her cells have been dividing for over 18 months now. Oh man, that is a long time. She has 6 brand spanking new teeth, bringing the total up to... six. I can see two more that will probably pop out in the next couple weeks or so. *side note: I wonder if the reason that time seems to go faster when you get older is because when you are two years old, one year is literally half of your life. When you are fifty years old, one year is like the equivalent of two pennies to the dollar... not that much time... if your life time tuned into a dollar I mean. end note.* Clover loves hanging out with her cousin Penelope, eating solid food, grapes especially, crawling around, pulling thing out of things, blowing raspberries, eating raspberries, and pretty much tons of stuff that it was hard to imagine her even being able to comprehend, let alone do, just a couple of months ago.

Kristin is my busy little queen bee.
She is currently in the process of becoming a certified child care provider. She somehow manages to clean the house and pack my lunch and do the dishes and prepare breakfast and watch four kids and stay beautiful every single day. Well... not every single day... She only watches one child over the weekend... but everything else, all day every day. She has really embraced the mountains and the weather associated with a move to Utah. This fall she has canned a copious amount of salsa and peaches and everything she can manage to get at a farmers market. She sold our T.V. About 2 months ago, and has not turned back. It has been awesome to see what sort of thing she has going on now instead of staying current on whats on. Not to say that she was a couch potato, because she by no means ever has been. She just does different things now to kill time... like sewing a new outfit for Clover or canning peaches or going for a walk or something like that.

Work... is called work because I get paid to be there.
I truly enjoy my job. I truly enjoy having the bosses that I have. I feel like I have grown as a person over the last six months (wow it has only been that long really) in ways that I could not have in a different situation. Wow. That was really deep captain obvious. I guess that I really appreciate the lessons that I learn for and through work are easily applicable to my life in general. I feel like I am a better manager both at work and at life than I was a year ago. I am excited to see what is in store for me over the next few years with this company, because I know that it will be nothing but great. Sometimes I miss what I refer to as my “past life” or “where I came from,” (I use these terms to reference habits of policy and whatnot that I have been taught and how I apply them to my new job) but never really enough to even think about wanting to go back.

Writing is something that I choose to go to bed instead of to do sometimes.
I wrote down my two jokes. I have written a few little lyrics, but nothing that I could really put down... except part of a verse a version of a song that I listened to a lot as a kid, and would like to pay tribute to through my own style... and just haven't finished writing it yet... yep nothing really ready to put down yet. Unity by OPIV. Anyway. I also would like to note that my contributions to the idiotbook have increased by 250% since May. That is quantifiable, measurable (kind of redundant?) progress. Yesssss. (feel free to join me in my drawer pull during the yesssss part.)

Stuff that is about stuff... that is on my mind?
I feel like I should mention that when I put three dots... I am actually thinking, and I feel like of those who have talked to me in real life have noticed that I tend to pause sometimes... especially when I am thinking. I leave the dots in because I feel like it helps keep the book a little more conversational and less technical... and kind of because I feel like they belong. I am sure that most, if not all, of my English teachers would object and have me edit it so that I don't do three dots like a hundred times in each paragraph... but this neither their book or an assignment. I know that my wife gets kind of grumpy sometimes when we are talking and I pause to think. I wonder if I do it because at work I am the one who is trained to act quickly, and since I have to always be thinking and flying by the seat of my pants as part of my job, I choose to take my time over pretty much everything I can when I am not on the clock and being expected to keep up the pace. Hmm. Maybe. I dunno.
I went to a barbecue last Sunday with my sister and some of her friends. It was a trip. It kind of made me realize how antisocial I was for some... maybe even a large part... of my life. I mean I have always known it, but sometimes things happen that just kind of drive it home. Here I was hanging out with people that I went to school with, and sometimes hung outwith outside of school, and I didn't even know their names, even though some had managed to find me and recognize my child by her pictures on facebook. It kind of makes me wonder if I just used my work position as an excuse for some underlying issues about making and having friends. I did make a point, however, to include myself in some of the conversations as well as the overall game playing and barbecue fun in general as opposed to just hang out by the 'cue and cook while the festivities go on around me.

Wrap up in a speech class would typically start out with the phrase “in summary.”
Things are going well. Work is going great. My family is doing awesome. Kristin is happy and healthy. Clover is as smiley as ever and even now makes noise like dadadada when I walk into the room. I am still kind of a regular flosser and have lost about 40 pounds over the last six months. I am not sure if my hair is starting to thin out or not... more on that later... it is kind of like a sailboat... sometimes it works sometimes It doesn't... I even wrote a few articles for LMC next month. Life is good.

-p

wearing pajama poncho and a colander

2010-09-29T08:49:00.003-06:00

Most of the funny stuff I do is off the cuff... at least I think it's funny... anyway... Back in the day I worked with a guy that did stand up comedy for fun. I went to a couple of his shows. I always thought it would be hard to do stand up because I would have to pre-plan my jokes and make it entertaining and I would not have somebody to play off of unless I get an act together and so many other things... an my head just kind of explodes.
Since working with Mr. Brockett, I started to work putting a set together just as a side side project on the side. Over the last 3 years, I have put together two jokes. I think that they are pretty funny, they both could still use a little polishing though. My goal it to participate in an open mic night before the end of February. I will keep you posted. I just wanted to let you know so that when I do something and am like "that should go into the book," you could be like "That should go into your show!" And remind me that my side project on the side of projects is no longer that obscure.

My new favorite 800 calorie snack.

2010-09-27T21:36:00.006-06:00

Ingredients:
tortilla
peanut butter
nutella
banana
Optional ingredients:
Hot Sauce.

Step 1: Spread peanut butter on one half of one side of tortilla.
Step 2: Spread nutella on other half but same side of tortilla.
If you are doing it right up to this point, it should look like this:

Step 3: Cut banana into thin slices, and spread on top of nutella.
Due to the degree of difficult for this next step, here is another illustration for caparison:

Optional Step 4: put hot sauce on top of bananas.
Step 4 or 5 depending on option: Carefully fold peanut butter side over onto banana/nutella side without making any messes or your wife will make you clean them up and you won't be very happy about it.

Step 5 or 6: Eat in style similar to that used when eating a giant soft taco or quesadilla.

We had been dating for just over a month.

2010-09-26T21:15:00.000-06:00

“Just tell her that we are the type of family that puts the “fun” into funerals.” -my mom... on convincing my girlfriend to drive me up to my grandfather's funeral and meeting my family for the first time ever.

Maybe one day I will dedicate it. I don't know though.

2010-09-16T23:29:00.003-06:00

I have had many people tell me over the years that I should write a book about the stuff that I do/ have done/ am doing/ think about/ life in general... I always imagined sitting down and writing a memoir or something... I didn't really realize until the last couple weeks that I have over the last couple years been able to reply that the idiot book is alive and well. I have been thinking about it over the last week or so, after posting my intention once already, I have decided that I should plan it a little better, and maybe aside from tho occasional story in my idiot book, I should write a book for myself first before I share it with the world.

So, that is the plan. I am not quite sure how it is going to happen,but it will sure enough.

-p

Her hair wasn't pink or short when we met.

2010-09-16T09:31:00.004-06:00

in fact it was blond, and down to her belt when it was braided.

So... Last night I was telling my people at work a little bit about myself, and I thought I should write it down.

When I was dating my wife, I worked as a “road striper” (technical term... I painted the lines in parking lots) and she worked at Starbucks. That is how we met. One day she was taking my order and asked: “Would you like anything else today?”

“Why yes, how about a hot date?”

“Ummm... I don't really have any girlfriends I could hook you up with right now, maybe some other time.”

“Ummm... Okay I guess.”

Since I was regular, and I loved chances to see that really pretty barista, I was a regular at her store. After about a week of her taking my order and not making any new friends to hook me up with she explained to me:

“Look, I am not going to go out and make a friend just so I can get you a date. You are on your own with this one man.”

“Oh. Okay... Ummm, hey, I was thinking, would you mind being my hot date?”

*blushing wildly* “Sure I guess, would you like my number?”

That day was July 5^th, 2005. We went on a date that night, and have been hanging literally everyday since then. For our first date, we went to The Barbecue Pit at the intersection of Garfield and La Mesa Blvd. She was to nervous to eat much of her dinner, so I cleaned both of our plates, seeing as how I was bouncing my rent check in order to take her out. We spent a little bit of time in her car (I rode scooter at the time, and so she willingly picked me up for our date) and listened to the song that was stuck in my head during dinner, “Haunted Cat House”, by the Nekromantix. We went to the store and bought “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels” and went back to my house to watch it. We were both so tired that we fell asleep about halfway through the movie and didn't wake up until my alarm went of the next morning.

Ohh man. What a date.

Clover arm pumping a job well done.

2010-09-12T22:41:00.003-06:00

I taught Clover how to jump on the bed yesterday. Now I can stand her on any bed and hold her hands and she starts jumping and kicking and breathing in her really excited way. It is super cute and really cracks me up.

The way I know that I taught her how to do this, and it is not just me swinging my baby around by her lil' ol' arms, is because... at night... when she is in bed... and it is her bedtime... she stands herself up and while holding the bars to her crib for support, she jumps on her bed. When I walk into the room to see what t he ruckus is, it is my little monkey jumping on the bed. I know that she knows that I taught this to her because when she sees me walk in she smiles so big that her pacifier falls out... because she is jumping and showing me what she learned.

Maybe next time I will teach her how to write cursive to keep her busy instead of how to jump on the bed.

On strange eating habits.

2010-09-09T23:15:00.000-06:00

“I couldn't even imagine eating things from such a wide range. Banana's and hot sauce? That's way to far out there for me. I would maybe think about mixing something like bananas and grapes, but that about as crazy I could ever go.” -t.

Clover praying for me to wake up.

2010-09-08T23:25:00.003-06:00

Another day come and gone. Today I was in a management meeting and we were talking about work... of course. Anyway, One of the guys was talking about interviews, and how one of his interviewees was explaining about how they just wanted to be able to make a difference. The point was brought up about how every day so many people come through our doors, and we have an opportunity to make each one of their days. I was almost jumping out of my seat when he was talking about this because that is pretty much the primary reason that I work in the field that I do, because I love to make people's days. I get paid to make your day. That is how I see my job. It is pretty awesome to know for a fact that the Director of Operations for my company is on the same page as I am... and not just from an email or voice recording that I should read or listen to when I find time, but the fact that he felt the need to explain how he felt in a company wide meeting. Pretty cool stuff.
Enough about work.

I love my little Clover Bear. She is just melting my heart without even trying. I know she needs to sleep. I know her sleeping pattern is the bane of my wife's existence right now. I also know that I love having the chance to see her bright little eyes, albeit very sleepy eyes, when I get home. I also know that I love to see my wifey's smiley face when I come home and Clover is sleeping like a... baby? Maybe not our baby, but more like a baby in fairy tales.
We have a minivan. We bought it about two weeks ago. I sold the old green car, and bought a minivan. Oh man. Talk about growing up. I don't even know how to explain how it feels. The day we brought it home, I was backing out of my parent's driveway, in the van, full of kids, all four of them, Kristin was sitting shotgun. My parents were standing in the driveway waving good bye, just like in the movies. I couldn't help but stop and laugh at trying to imagine what was going through their heads... was it like a dream come true for them, Pete has finally grown up enough to not only warrant, but actually utilize a minivan? I know for a fact there was no way they could have been holding their breath waiting for it to happen. But I couldn't help but imagine what must have been going through their heads. Maybe I will ask next time I see them.

I really felt like this little conversation belongs in the book... a little bit of background... it is salsa season. Both the tomatoes and the peppers in my parents garden are ripening. My wife has gone over and made and canned salsa with my mom a couple of times now. One day about a week or so ago, I got a text from work asking me to stop and get chips and salsa on the way to work. I brought some of the fresh salsa and chips. The whole quart jar was devoured in less than 5 minutes, and one of the people actually asked me to call my wife and tell her that it was the best salsa that they had ever had, bar the stuff that they made with their husband, but that was purely for sentimental reasons... based on flavor, the stuff I brought was number one. The next day I came in with my lunch packed, and everyone was enjoying a Friday breakfast, and before the door even shut, someone asked if I brought more salsa. I took out the stuff that my wife packed in my lunch and put it on a table. The scene after that reminded me of puppies looking for a spot to nurse. Sooooo, I asked my wifey to make a bunch of pints next time she was canning so that I could bring them to work and give them away.
I did that today. All the jars were claimed promptly.
One of my guys took his jar to the back and opened it and started drinking it from the jar. Yes, drinking it right from the jar.
-“Hey guy, do you need some chips or something?”
-“No, the thing I like about your wife's salsa is that you can drink it down and it don't burn or nothin'.”
-“Holy crap dude. I gotta write that down.”
-“What? To bring more salsa tomorrow?”
I had to walk away because he was dead serious. I couldn't handle it. I love this guy. He is just too funny without even trying. Ohhh man.

I am wear my poncho for my pajamas.

2010-09-07T08:28:00.004-06:00

Tuesday Morning. I have really come to enjoy Tuesdays more now than ever. With my job, it is my other day off. Yeah, I have fixed schedule. Ohhh man it is so cool. It is the first time in about 10 years that I have had a job that allows me to plan around my days off more than a week or two in advance. I have always liked Tuesdays though. It has been my experience in the service industry that Tuesday nights are consistently the slowest nights of the week, and the day time is kind of the same... just slower than any other day. I have never understood why, however I have many times used this insider information to my advantage. I like not having to fight with people when shopping or going to the movies or eating out. I also like the way places like On The Boardwalk have double token nights on Tuesdays. What does that mean? $5 will get you $10 worth of “Time Crisis 4.” Yeah I know! Awesome, huh? However, the reason I seem to like Tuesdays more than ever before is because now I get to hang out all morning and day before I decide to hit the town... I guess IF I decide to hit the town and Clover and Kristin are agreeable with the idea. Yep, Tuesday has long since been my favorite Friday, but now it is like my favorite Friday and Saturday all mixed into one. Now if only I could convince it to get twice as long too. I look forward to today as being a wonderful opportunity to get a few thing on my to do list done as well as spend some quality time with my wife and her charges during the day. It has kind of been a treat to see her dive in to work at her job the way I do at mine. During the day she juggles 3-4 kids depending on the day. On top of here Penelope and Clover gig, she gets to hang out with Kelton when he gets home from school, as well as watch our little cousin Mason a few days a week. It amazes me the way she can just handle it. I don't know if they all feel the same way as I do about Tuesday, but I don't care, I look forward to Tuesday, and seeing all their happy little faces and everything.

Hooray for Tuesday, the most underrated day of the week... in my opinion... I even forgot to mention about how shows its diversity by filling in for Monday today too.

Happy Tuesday.

Taking my life back.

2010-09-05T08:50:00.002-06:00

From what? I'm not sure yet.. Perhaps when I stop relinquishing control, I will find out.
I feel like I have been disconnected for quite while, living in the space between work and sleep, finding those precious moments in between when I get to see my precious family. I have been escaping reality through books, and not really spending my time doing things that I value highly. I am tired of mentioning that I have a blog, but haven't posted on it since I can't remember when. I am tired of feeling out of touch. I am tired of thinking about stuff that I should post but never do.
It has been a pretty busy couple... few... many months. I have been working plenty and am fitting in really well at Zupas. I really enjoy working for this company, and cannot wait to see what the future holds.
Clover bear is growing right up. I love her guts, and treasure the time that I get to hang out with her. I never get tired of seeing her smiley little face.
Anyway, glad I'm back, hope to stay.
-p

Clover eating avocado for the first time.

2010-05-23T23:50:00.002-06:00

So it has been a pretty productive couple of weeks. I have been working a lot. I turned 28 for the first time ever. Yeah, 28 years old. It is kind of a trip for me to think that at age 16 my only long term goal was to live to turn 18... not because I wanted to 18 and free, but because I was on such a self destructive and apathetic path that I figured it would be a good long term goal. Kind of a trip.

I got a new desktop computer, and reinstalled windows on my old laptop. It is kind of nice to be able to type and surf the web and do everything that I used to couldn't do.

Clover is growing right up. Last checkup she weighed 13.4 pounds. I forgot how tall she was. Taller that she was when she was born that's for sure. She is growing to be one the cutest little things that I have ever seen. I found out that she likes strawberry jam and does not like avocados. She likes her rhinoceros blanket.

It is time for bed. We are happy and healthy and missing all of our friends who are not near us right now.

-p

I kind of wish i knew a little more about html.

2010-05-20T23:53:00.001-06:00

I know it is because I copied and pasted from another website. I just don't know how to fix it. :P
-p

May 1st reposted from my members website

2010-05-20T23:51:00.001-06:00

typos

Posted: May 1st, 2010 | Author: snotnose | Filed under: Uncategorized | Modify: Edit This | No Comments »

I just re read the last post for the first time and would like to say wow. i was a little more tired than i thought i was.
-p

This post was submitted by snotnose.

my google blogger account isnt working. lame.

Posted: May 1st, 2010 | Author: snotnose | Filed under: Uncategorized | Modify: Edit This | 1 Comment »

I have been thinking about putting something up for pretty much every day for at least the last month. Here it is. Not necessarily the culmination of my thoughts every day, but the bits and pieces that I remember.
On the drive home form work today, I was thinking about my position. Manager. Hmmm. I started my “on paper” work history as a fry-cook at a local burger joint in high school. Since then the longest I have been without a job was while I was while I attended West Ridge Academy from April 2000 to October 2000. Aside from that, the longest I have been without a job was the first two weeks of my move to Las Vegas. I was thinking on my way home form work tonight about how I have never started out at a company as a manager before. I have always stared in square one. I was thinking about how I feel like I am good at my job… I guess I should be after over 8 years in the industry, 6 of which has been spent in a supervisory role. I was thinking about the gentleman whose place I filled… I was thinking about my new boss, and my new store, and all of the people who work underneath within the reach of umbrella. I was thinking about how I feel like I have had many mentors who have helped me be successful in my position. There are a few who really stick out in my mind… I am saying thank you so very much, Albert, Christina, Josh, Dave, Tina, and Serena, for not only teaching me both directly and through example, how I can become a great person to work for. I am thankful, not only because you have taught me, but also because you gave me a chance to learn, and succeed. Thank you. It is my sincere desire that those who work with me can one day look back on their experience with me the same way I look back on my experience with each of you, with respect and gratitude. I think I should also say thanks to a few other people… Although you have names, I am not going to mention them. I will just say that the list could go on for what feels like forever… but anyway, thanks for giving such a good pool of mistakes to learn from. Although I may have not enjoyed working for you, I do feel like I have learned priceless lessons at your expense and for that I thank you. It is my sincere desire that nobody ever feels the same way about me as I feel about each of you. That is what I was thinking in the car on my way home.
I am happy to be working where I am. Last week I was asked if I would be okay just staying at the store I trained at. I said “Heck yes its okay, are you kidding me?” So officially as of… today… I am the assistant GM at Café Zupas South Jordan. Yep, today was my first day as the only AGM? in my store. Neat. I enjoy my job. It has been an exhausting few months, but I finally think that I am settling into my groove, and doing well. ‘nuff about work.
Clover is growing like crazy. She is seriously the cutest little peanut I have ever seen in my life. She smiles with her whole face just like her dad, but she has her mom’s chin and cheeks. I also think that she may have eyes like her mom, but there are some who believe that they have not finished changing yet. She likes her rhinoceros blanket. Sometimes she fights with her cousin Penelope over her stuffed piglet when her rhino blanket is not in sight. It is kind of cute, because they both usually end up slobbering over opposite ends and talking about stuff… I can’t understand what they are saying, but I feel like they know. Clover is just so precious though. She likes to hang out with Kristin and I, as well as with her Grandma and Grandpa Breinholt. She likes standing up more than sitting down, and sometimes all you have to do to turn a very fussy baby into a smiling little jellybean, is hold her by her hands so she can just smile and drool all over whatever is within reach. She likes to play peek-a-boo, and her favorite songs are still “Prison Bound,” “Reach for the Sky,” and “Folsom Prison.” I think that she may be left handed. I think that her favorite colors are green and blue. She likes going for walks, and riding in the car. I am not sure if she likes jelly beans or not, you would have to ask Grandpa Breinholt about that. The other day when mom wasn’t around I let Clover sit on the motorcycle for a minute. I think she was pretty excited about it. I love her.
I celebrated my four year wedding anniversary last week. My wife and I went and put about a thousand rounds through the new handguns she had bought me the week prior. It has been a very interesting last four years to say the least. I love my wife, and look forward to spending many more years being married to each other. I think we make a pretty good couple. I also think that she is awesome, and like hanging out with her.
Like I said, my wife bought me a pair of handguns. It was a set of Walther handguns. One is a P22, and the other is a PK380. They are rad. While I was waiting for the lady to call in my background check, I was having flashbacks to the day when Ben got arrested on Christmas Eve for trying to buy a handgun to give me for Christmas, because I was not old enough to buy one by myself yet. But things have changed since then, and I have a clean record, and… yep… good stuff.
It seems like every time I charge my motorcycle battery, and get ready to ride it snows. I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know if I am just not supposed to ride it right now… as in some higher power is keeping it from happening… or what. I do know that I can’t wait to go for a ride, and that is probably the one big thing that I am not a fan of as far as differences between Salt Lake and San Diego.
I have not met up with anybody that I planned on seeing when I moved up. That has been kind of weird. I mean, I saw Ben for a second when he stopped by my old job, but we have not hung out yet. I didn’t even call him on his birthday. I feel kind of like jerky friend… I just have not really wanted to anything on my days off. Maybe I will start calling people and making plans. Yeah. I think that that is a good idea.
The reason the LMC article was so short this week is because I didn’t write one. For some reason I thought that next Tuesday was still an April Tuesday. Sorry. It’s my fault. G love is good stuff though.
That’s about it for now. It’s like 1 o’clock, and I am ready for bed.
-p

This post was submitted by snotnose.

oh neat! maybe it was my computer!

2010-05-13T09:24:00.002-06:00

i have logged onto blogger today for the first time since last time. not because i havent wanted to, but because my old cpu had a virus that wouldnt let me do some funny things. anyway, back up and running. sah weet. i will expound on everything later. after work. it is tikme for me to go.
I just wanted to say hi.
-p

I wish it was motorcycle season.

2010-03-07T20:09:00.002-07:00

When I lived in Las Vegas with my cousin Kimball, we had a good time. We hung out pretty much all the time. I actually listed his phone number on work applications because I did not have a phone of my own. One my favorite things about hanging out was the recording studio he had set up in his bedroom, and the countless number of hours we spent speaking, singing, and occasionally yelling… well mostly I did the yelling, but he endorsed it. Anyway, I wrote a lot during that period in my life. It was nice really nice to be able to have an outlet. I have since then pretty much stopped. My notebook was taken hostage in Las Vegas, and I never paid the ransom. As a result, some of what are in my mind my most genius scribblings, have been lost. I never really recovered from that. I used to write occasionally… my wife has bought me a couple of notebooks over the last years, and I have only managed to fill about 3 pages... mostly laments about how I wish I could think of something worth writing down.

I started the idiotbook. This has been the extent of my creations. Occasionally I get a little bummed because I feel like I have lost the ability to express some of my ideas in any fashion besides yelling and banging stuff at work or writing as done in the book over the past… 2 going on 3 years… wow.

Anyway… the other night I was at John’s house and he played some stuff he had been working on. I got pumped. We talked a little bit about what he has been and about working together and all sorts of stuff. I was so pumped about it that I dreamt about it last night.

In my dream I was driving home from work, workshopping in the car, and had a simple but sweet line come into my mind. I was so pumped that I pulled over and looked for my book in my bag in order to write it down, but realized that I had been late for work, and left my bag at home. I went home and went into my new (we just moved to Salt Lake and it still feels kind of new) room. I grabbed my bag and dumped it out on my floor so I could get to my book and write the line down and work with it… it was nothing more than a hook as it was, but I liked it and wasn’t about to lose it. My book wasn’t in my bag… *okay, work with me here… I am giving you directions*: Hold your hands out kind of like you are about to juggle… arms to your side, elbows about ninety degrees, palms up, fingers spaced, and relaxed. Now look straight up at the ceiling, yell “ARGGGGGHHHH!!!! WHY IS IT NOT HERE!!!” and slowly ball your hands into fists while pulling them closer to your body and tensing up every muscle you can until you begin to shake. That is how upset I was in my dream. I did this exercise with the intention of aiding your ability to empathize with the utter frustration I experienced in my dream at this point. Moving on, I remembered after this moment of fury that my book was still packed in a box because of the move, and because I had not been writing very frequently. I started tearing through boxes, and could only find index note cards and napkins and nothing to write with. After completely turning my room upside down, and mumbling the line to myself the whole time so I wouldn’t forget, I jotted it semi-legibly on a napkin with a dry erase marker from my calendar… I couldn’t find any pens either. I then woke up, remembered the line, looked my nightstand, and saw my book where my loving wife had placed it. *side note *Even though I have not written in years, my wife still puts my book on my nightstand, just in case one day I may feel like writing again. I have always just left it there, having noted in my mind that that is the place it goes. Occasionally it gets knocked off or moved, one time I put it in a backpack. It found its way back to the nightstand, not by my hands. I love my wife. *end note* There was a pen in the desk, and I wrote it down and was able to add a bit more to it in the same sitting. Awesome.

Long story short, I wrote today. I am pumped. I know this may be a little strange for the first post in way too many days, but I don’t care. I wrote today… twice now I guess… and I am happy about it.

-p

The dawning of a new era.

2010-02-19T23:18:00.004-07:00

The last duck has joined the row. Today I was offered a job. I made a counter offer, and they met me in the middle. There are few better places to meet in my eyes. One of the most key parts of the “moving to Salt Lake plan” has been completed. I am pumped. Now I can go to work, and Kristin can stay at home and we can afford to live like that. Awesome! I am sooo pumped that I am having trouble explaining it. I think I am going to write a couple letters to clear my mind.

Dear Starbucks… again,

Thanks for letting me hang around after the horrible incident. I am sorry that things didn’t work out between us. I have never been one for break-up make-up relationships, but I guess I thought I would give us another try. I wish you had not been so deceitful when we made up. I wish we could have moved on like I had planned. I guess I just thought you would keep your word. It bummed me out pretty bad when I found out that you had other plans in mind. I am sorry that we could not be like we were before. I am thankful that you supported me through the birth of my child, as well as my move to another state. I appreciate the experience I gained while in your presence. Thank you so much for forcing me to meet new people and develop friendships that would otherwise not exist. I am not going to lie… I never got over our fallout. I really wish you could have stuck to your values. I feel like you have changed over the last couple years, and not for the better. I hope you have an idea about what you are trying to accomplish, whatever it may be. I have had to work pretty hard over the last year to not become a “bitter bean” on the outside. I am happy to be able to say adieu. I do not think that I will miss you. I will miss some of your people, but not you. I just hope that you are okay with me not looking back. This is it. Good bye Starbucks, it has been wild, but I am done. I will finish my schedule, and then I will not come back.

Laters,

-p

Dear Café Zupas,

I am so excited to have the opportunity to get to know you! I cannot explain how much I am looking forward to being able to help you grow! I am thrilled about everything I have seen so far, and I cannot wait to get into one of your stores and start doing my thing. I am really excited that you are willing to do what it takes to help me serve you and take care of my family at the same time. I will let you know that I am still in the process of getting over my last messy ordeal, and hope you can be patient while I learn my new role. I hope that you will keep your word, and let me do my job. I know that you feel you have taken a bit of a gamble by letting me walk through your doors; however I know that I will exceed your expectations, and look forward to being able to grow with you. Once again, thanks for the opportunity you represent to me and my family!

Sincerely,

Peter J. Breinholt

So there it is. I will finish my schedule at my new store, and then start work at my new job. I am pumped.

Nope... not dead yet.

2010-02-16T23:03:00.001-07:00

It has been a while… to say the least.

This may end up being a pretty long entry, just a heads up. I have not quite managed to organize my thoughts about what has happened over the last many days, and I imagine that my article will reflect such. It should, however, be pretty informative about what has been going on in Pete’s life. Side note, and kind of a bummer, I cannot find my camera, and do not have many pictures to go along with my rambling.

The migration was a success. I now reside in Sandy, Utah. It is different, no doubt about that. The weather has not been as intolerable as everybody said it would be. It has snowed a couple times, but not enough to stick. I have had to scrape ice off my windshield before work twice now. Not to tough. I like to wear gloves when I drive now, mostly because if I don’t, my hands freeze on the way to work in the morning.

We have moved as planned… mostly. We had planned to stay with my parents for the first couple weeks and then move into our apartment behind my sister’s house. We would use the time at my parent’s house to set up our house so we would not have to live in a work in progress while Kristin is babysitting two infants during the day. I think we stayed with my parents for three whole nights. We just couldn’t wait to get back in our own space after our extended vacation from a lease. In spite of the mess, it was really nice to be able to brush my teeth in my own bathroom for the first time since mid-October. Pretty much all that is left to set up our house is to move my two milk crates full of tools out of the living room and set up our computer area. It has been a smooth move, and Kristin and I have really felt the support of our friends and families.

We like our neighbors. It has been pretty fun living in such close proximity to my sister’s family. It was kind of fun to knock on her door and ask to borrow a salt shaker, then a couple days later have Kelton knock on my door and ask for some salt. I am excited to get back into writing, and put in some studio time with John.

Work has been fun. I feel like I am fitting in at my new store pretty well. It seems to me like they don’t mind crazy animals or jokes or poor accent imitations or random idiocy in general. It was kind of nice to have finally meet, and work, with all of the partners at Taylorsville Starbucks, as well as have some of the regulars start to recognize me. I don’t feel so much like a visitor anymore. As far as finding a second job, I have had little to no success as of yet. I do have an interview tomorrow for a position I would really like to have, but don’t want to get too excited because the cat is not yet in the bag.

Clover has been growing like crazy. She has not yet managed to grow her hair out anywhere besides the back of her head, and is rocking the mullet like its nobodies business as a result. She likes to squawk and smile and wiggle her little appendages. She likes to fall asleep listening to the guitar and being bounced on a lap. So far her favorite songs are my renditions of “Reach for the Sky” and “Folsom Prison.” ……. After thinking about it, maybe those are her least favorite songs, because those are the ones she falls asleep to. Ohhh man… am I a mean dad? Boring my child to sleep? Anyway, she likes hanging out with her mom during the day and her cousin Penelope. She has also started to drool like crazy and blow bubbles with her spit. She is super precious, and like I said in the beginning, I can’t find my stupid camera, but I will have pictures of her up… soon. Maybe I can borrow my sister’s camera for sweet photo sesh. Clover does not seem to mind the cold one bit, and that is okay by me. She still shows no sign on whether or not she likes her rhinoceros blanket... I do know that whenever her dad tucks her in, she falls asleep hugging it… I hope it doesn’t give her nightmares… waking up and staring at a rhinoceros… man this parenting thing is a little bit tougher than I anticipated. I think I need to start thinking things through a little bit more… *sigh*

I miss all of my people form San Diego. I wish you all were here. I am pretty bummed out that you are all so far away from here. All y’all are what I miss about San Diego. I don’t mind the weather or altitude or anything like that. I don’t miss the ocean or palm trees, just the people that I know.

I have not yet managed to talk to the people up here that I already know. It has been so crazy trying to get stuff situated that I have not really had time to do anything just for fun yet.

So… It has stopped feeling like a vacation though… this whole move thing… the first week I spent every night hanging out at mom and dad’s playing cards or visiting or whatever, just because I have not been able to do that for years. I am finally feeling settled in. The permanence of everything that has been going on directly related to my move is finally sinking in. I am happy and healthy and excited for the years to come.

-p

Is this an unintentioanl analogy to life in general?

2010-01-25T14:43:00.003-07:00

I bet it wouldn’t be too hard to make it sound like one… but it isn’t. This is a picture of an intersection by my current work (only until about 9pm tonight, then it becomes my past work) I just thought it was funny, all the street signs. It made me think of my brother Jake. I bet he would have taken this picture, or one similar to it, and he probably would have managed to get the freeway entrance sign in the background a little better too.
While I was posting this, and kind of an afterthought:
I was thinking about putting a link to the intersection on Google earth, but then I figured I would let you do the legwork, and type in what you think the name of the intersection would be, and see what happens.
-p

The drive was sunshine and blue skies the whole way.

2010-01-19T23:48:00.003-07:00

Phewf. What a week. Today I arrived in Salt Lake with the green car… safe and sound in spite of all of the weather forecasts. I need to be to the airport at 5:30 tomorrow morning in order to catch my flight back to San Diego. I miss my wife and I miss my Clover. I cannot wait to see them.

Let me back up a little bit... I haven’t put anything up for quite a few days. Sooo… I have been working and getting things ready for the big move. I have been pretty busy, and have not really felt creative enough to put something interesting up… I still feel kind of uncreative, but I also feel like I should update the idiot book, especially after being featured on jakes new blog.

Clover has been growing like crazy. I found out that she likes to hear me play the guitar. I can no longer hold her the way I used to… all of two weeks ago… she is too big. She used her last “N” size diapers up about three days ago, and is now wearing size one. She is also still cute as a bug. I am totally in love with her. She has started trying to roll over and loves holding her head up when I try to get her to cuddle with me. I cannot wait to introduce her to her cousins and aunts and uncles next month.

I finalized the game plan to get my family up to Salt Lake. As I mentioned before, I have moved my car up already, and am going back tomorrow to live out my last week in San Diego. I met my new boss today, and picked up my new schedule. I start working at my new Taylorsville Starbucks on Feb 1^st. I also saw, for the first time, the apartment my wife and me… I guess I need to start saying my family and I… or maybe just my family… anyway… will be living in for the first few years of our Utah Adventure. Bottom line, I am psyched. I seriously am.

On kind of a personal side note, I have noticed something different about Salt Lake… or maybe about myself and how I feel about Salt Lake… Today when I was driving around the valley, I was excited and surprisingly optimistic. About what? About everything. The last time I was living in this place I was not a happy person, and as a result this was not a happy place. It is like I am seeing the same placed but in a new light. It is kind of neat, but even more exciting than neat. Long story short, I am pumped.

That is about it for now.

kind of like the week before the first day of school.

2010-01-12T00:36:00.003-07:00

Dad and his friend "Bronco" the pelican.

Kristin gave her boss her notice today. What notice? The “It’s been wild, but I am never going to come back to work” notice. Oh man. It is really happening.

Today I talked to my new boss on the phone about my schedule starting Feb 1^st.

Last night I bought a one way plane ticket from Salt Lake to San Diego. I am going to drive one of the cars up, all by myself, on the 19^th, then fly back home, work a couple days, pack up the fam, and drive the other car up on the 28^th. Up where? To the Salt Lake Valley, that’s where. We are moving. It is official.

Holy crap… It is still kind of not real. Today I brought a couple of boxes home from work to kind of pack some of the things that were left behind from the adventure in October. I never thought I would ever go back. I really didn’t. I still kind of doubt, mentally, that it is going to happen.

So, here is the rough outline for the next book in the saga of my life. (San Diego was more of a book than a chapter for me, and I believe that this next adventure will be even wordier than the last five years.)

My family and I are going to move to Sandy. I am going to transfer to a Starbucks in Taylorsville for the time being, as well as hunt for a more “career style” job in Salt Lake. I will start attending SLCC in a year (after I can qualify for the resident fee schedule as opposed to the non-resident) to bolster my transcripts. When I have met the requirement for a transfer degree in my major, I will transfer to the University of Utah. I am going to get a Bachelor’s degree in sociology… that is the plan, but it is open to change… I acknowledge that I changed my major 3 times officially and about 10 times unofficially before getting my two year degree… I am aiming for a career in something along the lines of Probation officer or rehab counselor… I am not sure yet. I do know that as I get back into school, many of the opportunities that I was never aware of will become known to me, and that will assist me in my educational goals. I do not plan on wasting as much time figuring things out as I did initially at Grossmont, however.

I am going to be an awesome dad. I am going to see Clover grow close to Kristin and I, as well as her aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. It is very possible that I will even see my family grow in size before I finish with school. I am going to be a presence in my daughter’s life. I acknowledge that although I have many plans for my own life, it is imperative that I make time for my family. It is not just my wife and I anymore, and I refuse to consider family time as having lunch with my daughter on my 30 minute lunch break or in between classes. That will not be okay with me.

I look forward to reconnecting with some of the people from my past before it became a past that I have had to learn not to regret. I also look forward to watching the families of my brothers and sisters grow.

I appreciate how much I have grown over the last however many years it has taken me to be where I am now. I appreciate how much I have changed, positively in my mind, over the last however many years. I am sure that I will appear different on the outside to those who have not seen me in some years, and not just because of the way I have cut my hair.

I don’t know where else to go with this… I will now open up the floor… questions anyone?

Sometimes I think that I am really going to miss my job.

2010-01-07T00:55:00.003-07:00

Banana Splat.

Okay so here’s the joke.

When I was still a pretty small kid, I am thinking like 4-6 age range, my favorite joke was banana splat. I don’t know how it got started; I just know I thought it was one of the funniest things ever. It wasn’t even a joke with a punch line… or a real joke or whatever… this is the joke: “guess what? BANANA SPLAT!” sometimes I had to cut it all the way down to just “BANANA SPLAT!”

When we would be having family home evening, and taking care of the family business for the week, I would always raise my hand with one item of business, banana splat and a bunch of giggles. I know that pretty much most of my family did not think it was as funny as I did. I could tell when nobody was in the mood for it when my dad would ask “Does anybody have any more business we need to discuss besides banana splat?” I would usually raise my hand any way, “banana SPLAT!”

Sooo… about 20 years later…

I was working. I wasn’t really “feeling” it. It was early in the morning, around 5:15 am or so. We have really powerful ovens at work. We also have bananas and a drive thru window… can you see where this is going?

Pretty much… I asked my boss on this morning:

“What kind of food would you classify bananas as, Breakfast or lunch?”

“Bananas are definitely breakfast food in my opinion… yeah; I think they go with cereal… breakfast food.”

“Oh… So I should probably not have warmed it on lunch… maybe like a breakfast sandwich, do you think?”

“What?... *looks in oven… blinks a couple times… looks at me… closes the oven… looks at the ground… looks at me… looks away...* Yeah, you probably should have done it as a breakfast. Bananas are not a lunch fruit.”

After it was finished I looked in the oven and tried to imagine what I was thinking, because this was not it… I thought it would be cooler… like exploded or something… especially judging by the boss’s face… anyway, I picked it up and walked over to the window and threw it onto the ground as hard as I could out frustration for the let down…

Banana splat. I couldn’t stop laughing. I thought it was one of the funniest things I had ever seen… a steamy (fresh out of the oven) banana splat.

I guess the funniest part about this whole thing for me is that I didn’t really think ahead about what I was doing. First I was imagining blowing up a banana, not thinking about how I would have to clean the oven after blowing it up. I was so not impressed by the banana warmed on lunch that I threw it on the ground to try and make it cooler as opposed to abandoning the idea and just throwing it away. I wasn’t picturing a splat… I wasn’t picturing anything… but it ended up being pretty dang funny to me.

Banana splat.

It splatted so hard.

2010-01-07T00:50:00.000-07:00

The little stringy thing against the wall in the top of the picture is the top section of the banana peel with the sticker still attached.
The pictures look all reddish because that is what color the parking lot lights are, and I had no flash... but you can definitely tell the peel is pretty burnt.

Just one more thing tonight.

2010-01-04T00:19:00.002-07:00

While I was eating breakfast today, I mentioned to my sister in law that I am not a fan of breakfast sausage because I don’t really like chewing on the skulls of my enemies.

I had to explain it then the same way I have to explain it now… just during the last explanation I mentioned that this should be in the book… and this explanation is in the book… so kinda different, but mostly the same… anyway, here it goes:

I was having a conversation at work one day about taco meat, and how I like to go to Del Taco and get the fiesta box, but order beans on my tacos instead of meat because of the mysterious crunchies found in said meat.

One of my friends at work explained about how he has a throw up reflex to that sensation… he can’t help it… I don’t think he throws up anymore, but if he gets one of them, he just has to stop eating and totally loses his appetite, whether it is the first or last bite, doesn’t matter.

We talked about our different strategies for dealing with the crunchies. (I think that the technical term is “gristle, chunks of”) I was kind of making up my strategy as I went…

“Whenever I get a mystery bite of crunchies in my taco I just imagine that…….. *the pause during this time was long enough for everyone to imagine something, like jawbreakers or candy or unicorn teeth or whatever, and try and guess what would come out of my mouth next, myself included, I just went with what came out first* ……. they are the skulls of my enemies, and I am crushing them with my teeth after their horrible downfall in order to make their destruction that much more complete.”

I used to not really do that, but it was pretty funny, and now that is what happens, or at least I think of that conversation and get a cartoon picture in my head of me chewing the “skulls of my enemies.”

As if I have any enemies of whom I would tear their head off… in some sort of mortal combat or what, I don’t know, then somehow de-flesh it so that I could put their skulls in my taco meat.

They would have to be really small skulls.

The lexicon is on my agenda.

2010-01-03T23:43:00.004-07:00

Today I flossed.

I had an interesting conversation about this healthy habit with one of my friends at work on New Year’s Day at about 5 in the morning. We were both exhausted. The conversation was not about flossing so much as New Year’s Day (NYD), and the resolutions that usually come along with this holiday as predictably as peeps come along with Easter. I expressed to her that I am not a fan of waiting until NYD to change my life. I think I came across as kind of a jerk, and did not articulate very well that I am pro change and resolutions and all, but not so much waiting until NYD to make those changes. I feel like if I can treat every new year as a new clean slate, why not every month, or week or… every day as a new day, unblemished by yesterday, and completely able to change tomorrow. I kind of expressed how I feel about this around Independence Day in my idiot book.

I realized after thinking about this conversation, while I was flossing my teeth, that I have held a grudge against NYD. I have not, in the past, given it the respect of being a new day. If I wasn’t aware of what day it was, I wouldn’t think twice about changing my behavior to develop a new habit, NYD or not. Why couldn’t I change on NYD, and just call it a “resolution” as opposed to a “NYD resolution?” Holy Crap… I can!

I say thank you to my friend for not pointing this huge flaw out in my thinking knowing that I would probably figure it out. Wow. I guess I just felt kind of like an idiot when I came to this realization while flossing this morning. If my hands hadn’t been busy, I would have done the “palm to the forehead duh I am such an idiot slap thing.”

I just wanted to share this. I hope everyone meets their resolutions with the fire and determination required to accomplish their goals. I hope every new skill set and talent and action that is on the agenda for improvement or development in anybodies life this year will be improved upon over the next 365 days, and hopefully, lifetime.

I am going to floss again tomorrow.

Did I do this last year?

2010-01-03T22:54:00.004-07:00

I decided that I should maybe do a little recap of a few significant things that happened in 2009.

I think it will look like a punch list:

*Things that happened last year that make me feel like I have grown up… at least a little... since last time*

-I bought a car… with four doors and a hatchback... a family car.

-I tried to buy a house… then a condo… then another condo… then like 15 other condos… didn’t get one in spite of our best efforts.

-I held a salaried position in a global company.

-I was laid off from my salaried position.

-I got a Costco membership… I upgraded it to an Executive membership.

-I got my first college degree… Associate in Science, Administration of Justice/ Forensic Technology.

-I celebrated my 3^rd wedding anniversary.

-I got my wife pregnant.

-I had a daughter.

-I did not visit the emergency room once… not even in my dreams… this has been the second year in a row.

-I moved out of an apartment during daylight hours… I got about 96% of my deposit back… they had to replace the little silver dishes underneath the burners on the oven and have a professional cleaning service come clean…

-I celebrated my 4^th year of sobriety.

-I celebrated my 4^th year of being an ex smoker.

-I grew a full beard.

-My wife gave me a leather wallet… without a Velcro change pocket… it is a coach wallet.

-I started wearing a watch, all the time, not just when I am running the shift at work, and using a real day planner as opposed to post it notes stuck inside the flap on my wallet.

-I did not get one phone call from a bill collector… well… I got a call from SDGE, because I forgot to pay my last month’s bill… but I answered the phone, and paid the bill during the phone call… so I don’t really think it counts.

-I started having to wear XXL shirts instead of XL shirts… not happy about it.

-I made some friends.

-I stayed pretty up to date on the idiot book… in 2009 I held an average of 5.5 posts a month, that’s more than one a week…yesss! Goal met… very grown up.

-I went to bed on time.

-p

Clover: parargraphs 1-3; Peter: paragraph 4

2009-12-30T01:08:00.004-07:00

Somebody asked me today if it was very different being a dad as opposed to before I was a dad… yes and no.

While I was out to lunch with my wife today, I spent the whole time looking at the cute little critter in her arms instead of at her. It was kind of weird. I felt a little rude. I couldn’t stop looking at my little girl. I caught myself a couple of times and my wife was pretty cool about it. She was like you can look at whoever you want, so I spent the rest of time while we were at the restaurant staring at my Clover, even though she was sleeping the whole time. I just can’t help it. It is the same with when I am at work, or driving to work, or ever not with Clover. I just can’t stop thinking about hanging out with her. So being a dad has kind of shifted my thinking from what it was before. I can’t tell if I am more excited to hang out with Kristin because she is Kristin, My beautiful wife whom I love dearly and would love to be married to forever, or because I know she has Clover with her.

This is one of the things that I was never warned about. I used to just always think about how excited I was to get home and hang out with my beautiful wife. Not the case anymore… kind of. I am excited to see my beautiful wife… and Clover. I just want to go Clover, and I am a happy guy. Another thing…I love holding her (Clover) as much as I love holding my wife’s hand. I love kissing Clover’s forehead as much as I love kissing my wife’s. I was not prepared or expecting for such a complete, and instant, love. I spent a couple months getting to know my wife before I asked her to marry me (about 5), and I have only spent about a week with Clover, but I feel pretty much the same because I am as devoted to her as much as I am devoted to my wife. And to top it all off, I am afraid that if she were in a room with like 30 other babies and I would not be able to tell her apart from the rest. I am pretty sure that I would be able to… but she is changing so fast that I think I am noticing it. Like looking at the difference between my 8^th, 9^th, 10^th, and 11^th grade pictures, but over the course of a week, that and she hasn’t even said one word to me in English. But when she stares at me it is like a tractor beam, and I cant focus on anything else except for how totally precious this little girl is.

Nobody warned me about that.

Today one of my friends asked me of I was going to miss living in California, or if I was excited to get out and live somewhere else. I will miss my friends dearly; I will not miss California that much. I have over the last year been able to connect with people on a personal level more than I have in the past. I have not been anybodies boss for almost a year now. I have more friends now than I have had in longer than I can remember. It has been a real treat to be able to share my life with people in a setting aside from a business. I will miss my friends. I am, however, equally excited to give myself an opportunity to grow that I would have never had in California. I am excited about being able to reconnect with my family… not like I am a prodigal son or anything, but I have spent many of the last 15 years trying to put distance between me and my family. I have spent all of the last 5 years trying to bridge the gaps and bring close those relationships that I neglected. I am excited for the opportunity I will have to be close to my family once again. California cannot compete with that, ocean and Sombreros and all, cannot compete. Thanks for asking me the question though friend, because I hadn’t really thought about it before.

-p

Maybe I am a record keeper instead of a musician.

2009-12-27T00:03:00.004-07:00

I have never in my life had anything that could wind me up faster than Clover. While in the hospital, she was a happy, healthy, nursing baby. When she came home… she was not.

The first day we came home, Clover decided that she didn’t really want to nurse. She was sick of mom’s colostrum, and was ready for mom’s milk. The only problem was that we didn’t have any of that yet. As a result, we had a screaming, not nursing, very hungry baby. I have never in my life, repeat, never in my life, felt so frustrated. I was helpless. We had everything we thought we needed, but Clover didn’t agree. I was so frustrated that I was literally about to start pulling out my hair. After a couple hours, we called a nurse. We ended up mixing up a bit of formula that the hospital sent us home with. This was never our plan, but we were desperate. It worked. Happy Clover. Kristin and I both cried when she attacked and devoured her 15mL of formula like a great white shark that found a wounded seal in the open sea. It was unreal the amount of relief that came over me.

I have never before felt both such strong emotions as well as such a fluctuation of emotions. I can completely run the spectrum of emotion which had previously (pre-Clover) been reserved specifically for life and death situations, and the resolution of said situations… and I run the whole spectrum between her not stopping crying until after I pick her up and say “It’s okay Clover, I’m here.” It is blowing my mind. I can only imagine what my wife is feeling. Just by looking at her I am thinking I can take any of what I feel and multiply it by like 15 or so and maybe that is what it is like for her… at least for the bad things… I have a hard time imagining anybody, my wife included, loving (good thing) my Clover bear more than I do. I mean I know she does, but really, how can that be possible? Anyway, side tracked… My wife is currently on an emotional rollercoaster like she has never been before because of the great change of hormones in her body. The amount has changed by over 200% in the last four days, and the content of the amount I have no idea, but I am sure it is both quite a bit, and quite the opposite of what she had been getting her body used to over the last nine months. I at least have the luxury of a bit of hormonal balance at this time... I think… maybe that is what I should do my doctorate study on… sympathy pains, and if they change the hormonal makeup in the fathers to mimic the mothers.

Whatever. I am going to express a couple of my goals over the next couple weeks, months, and hopefully, years, as far as the idiotbook is concerned.

First, I intend to not make every post about Clover. I mean I understand that she is now as much a part of me, or at least my life, as my fingers and toes, but I am still a sentient being, and as I feel like I should be able to think about things besides my precious daughter occasionally. This book is in fact for me a record of me. I feel like anybody who knows me and has read any of this book, knows that this is me. I aim to keep the integrity of the idiocy, for my sake. Maybe this is a silly and vain goal. I am not going to delete it.

Secondly, I wish to make clear that this is for my posterity now. When I started the idiotbook, I didn’t imagine having children who would one day want to learn about their father. That has changed. I want Clover, and her siblings when they join our family, to be able to look back and know what I thought… about anything, them included. I don’t think that will be too hard, I think I just felt like I need to get that off my chest. I am kind of afraid that I may change the way I write or post just because I know that this is now officially becoming family history. Maybe it should be more like: Secondly, I understand that this will become available to my posterity now. In spite of that… whatever… it’s getting too wordy.

Another goal of mine is to record some of the little things I notice that have changed since I became a father. Not like the huge priority shifts or life altering things that I have been warned about, but the more subtle things that I did not know would happen… Like the beginning of this post… and the paragraph directly after this one.

Today when I got home from work, and after Clover was all fed she was very awake. I took her so that mom could get a few things done, like pick up the room a little and change a load of wash… all things that I would have done had they been asked… but Kristin has such a huge sense of duty, that she feels obligated to take care of everything, and as a result, seldom asks. Sometimes I wish she would, and sometimes I am glad she doesn’t, I will be honest about that. (side note for posterity) Tonight however, I wish she would have. Any way, I took Clover and we hung out. I laid her down on the bed then got in her face. I was kneeling and bent over, kind of like I was praying to the east, but instead I was staring into my precious daughter’s eyes as she lay on her back with her face maybe six inches from mine. I stayed like that for about ten minutes just staring at my pretty girl and thinking about how I should write a poem or a song about how phenomenal she makes me feel. I imagined her looking at me and thinking the same thing. I imagined her thinking about how she loves this man looking at her. She feels safe. She feels loved. She feels important. She knows that this is her place; she can come here anytime for the rest of her life and just know this is a safe place, in my presence and my care. I will take care of her needs, and fight for her wants. I am her advocate and protector. She is my inspiration… not for a poem or song yet, but for imagination… or something… maybe inspiration isn’t the right word… let me try another way to explain it… If I had a flag I could fly, just for me, for the world to see it would be Clover’s flag. She is my team, my club, I am her fan. I don’t want a new Utah hoodie for my birthday, I want a Clover hoodie.

Nobody warned me about that.

-p

PS. I think I am going to put together a lexicon… I am not sure if it is going to be part of the book, or an appendix to the book but a separate project… any suggestions on where or how to start would be appreciated…Jake…just sayin’… this would have been number four on the list of goals.

-p

Clover Anna Marie Breinholt

2009-12-23T22:08:00.008-07:00

Clover Anna Marie

Born: December 22nd 2009 @11:28pm
7lbs 5oz, 20 1/2 inches.
Current Status: Totally awesome.

Last night my wife had our baby. She started labor at 3:30am yesterday morning, and continued through until about 11:30pm last night. Yep. You did the math right. 20 hours of labor.

When I woke up for work, at 3:45am, that morning she was on her side of the bed in the “cow” yoga position breathing in a pattern we learned a couple weeks ago a Lamaze class. I asked her if she was okay, she said yes. According to her it was just another cramp. I explained to her that she was pregnant, not menstruating, and these were not cramps, they were contractions, and cramps make me feel like something is going wrong. She said “Okay, it’s a contraction, I’m fine.” I gave her a hug and kiss and went to work.

It was raining this morning. I always like the rain. When I was kid, anytime I had an experience which resulted in a visit to the emergency room, it was always either raining already, or started raining on the way there, for as long as I can remember. For me, rainy days are good days, especially when hospitals are involved… not like a visit to hospital could make a rainy better in any case except this one, but like rainy days make hospital visits okay for me. I also realized, while talking about the weather to my boss at work, that most of my pets had their litters on rainy days. I remember one day in particular that it rained cats and dogs at my house… literally. Anyway, the rain was a good way to start my day.

While I was at work I was talking to my boss during the wee hours, before the crowd wakes up and needs coffee, about the scene before I left for work today, I explained about how the day before (Monday) Kristin went to the doctor and had no change from the week before, 1cm and 0% effaced, and therefore, I should be able to finish out the schedule this week, and maybe Clover will come on her due date, December 26th. My boss later joked that maybe since it was my wife’s’ first baby, she would be late. I explained that according to my wife’s research, only about 10% of first time babies come late, and only about 3% of all babies come on their due date. She (my boss) said “hmm.” I thought about it for a minute, and realized that there was about an 87% chance that my little Clover bear would come early… My mother in law called my store about 15 minutes later… 100% chance my Clover bear was coming early.

The phone rang literally at least 25 times. When it was finally slow enough, business wise, boss lady sent Tito to go answer the phone. I was in the Drive thru and someone hadn’t shown up for work yet so it was busy… Real busy, due to the rainy morning. Tito came out of the back and said:

“Pete, your mom (Kristin's mom) is on the phone.”

“Hang on a sec.”

“Want me to just take a message, and have you call her when we get a second?”

“Sure.”

He went back in the back and came out a minute later with the message:

“Your mom says that your wife is bleeding (it was just the plug, not a complication, but I did not know it at the time), and they are going to the hospital.”

“That is not funny Tito. That is not a funny joke. You better tell me that is not what just happened.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Not funny Tito.”

“That’s what the phone call was”

“If you are screwing with me I will break your legs Tito.”

At this point Kristi (my boss) piped in and was like “Amy will be here in 5 minutes Pete, can you hang on till she gets here?”

Sure… It still hadn’t quite hit home yet. I can keep working. It took a minute to sink in. It wasn’t until one of my customers came in and was like “No baby yet?” My reply, that made it all hit home was “I just got the call.” (repeat silently in my head: “I just got the call… I just got the call… holy crap my wife is on the way to the hospital… I just got the call… I am having a freaking baby… Clover chose this rainy morning to come say hello… I just got the call. Holy crap I need to go.”) Right when the adrenaline rush hit home and I realized that today was the day, and I needed to leave, Amy walked in. Thank you Amy for coming to work on time, even a couple minutes early so I could leave when I finally realized and acknowledged that it was time to go. I went home. I called my mom on the way to start the reverse 911 to let the planet know that today was the day. It was about 6:30 am.

We got to the hospital, and checked in around 7am. This was it. I was so pumped my face hurt from grinning ear to ear. After the first inspection, 1cm, 30%... still. Hmmm. We waited an hour and it was 1cm, 40%... time to go home. We stopped on the way home got a Big Carl combo (for me), Broccoli and cheese soup (for Kristin), and gas (so I could make it back to the hospital when it was time… I was planning on filling the tank after work… that didn’t happen.)

We went home, had some food, and then sat down to let pregnancy move forward. We watched “A Knight’s Tale.” I mean, I watched “A Knight’s Tale” and Kristin had contractions. I was just the timer and back massager, Kristin was doing most of the work. Pretty much all of the contractions were holding steady… about 2:50 apart, and about 1 minute along. At about noon, the movie got over and we started another one. I can’t even remember what it was… not important… the contractions were getting stronger, and I was having trouble paying attention to anything else besides the time. I decided that if things kept going steady as they were we would call the doctor around 1pm. At about 12:30 in between contractions Kristin grabbed my shirt with both hands and asked with tears in her eyes, “CAN WE PUHLEEEESE CALL THE DOCTOR NOW??!!” I called the doctor; we went back to the hospital.

On the car ride on the way there, Kristin said that she didn’t know if she would be able to handle it… She was planning on doing a drug free birth. I told her that if she chose to get an epidural, I would not have a problem with it. She would not be a failure, which was her main concern. I didn’t care how she had the baby, I just wanted her to have it safely, and judging by the way she was shaking and crying and in utter pain told me that this was not the safe way. After explaining to her that having a baby without getting any sort of medication would be like finding a payphone to make a phone call instead of using my cell phone, we have the technology, maybe it would be best for us to use it. She agreed to have medication, to my greatest relief.

We were readmitted around 1pm. Awesome. They didn’t even send us to triage. Sah-weet. 2cm, 90% effaced… phenomenal progress. My Clover was on her way. Amy, the nurse, not the Amy that came into work earlier, but a new one, was super good about getting the anesthesiologist in ASAP, and within half an hour of getting checked in, Kristin was a happy, baby having mommy.

Fast forward to about 3pm… 3cm… cool stuff… the water broke… meconium… not cool stuff, but not a horrible problem either… 5pm… still 3cm… borrrrring… Fast forward to about 7pm: 7cm… awesome… new Amy goes home, and Dawn is now our nurse. 9pm: the epidural is no longer effective. Mom is getting upset… 9cm… so close… but not quite… 10:30pm: call for another bolus, mom is starting to push as well as appear to be in phenomenal agony. Her mantra in between contractions and sobs is “I just want her out, please get her out, owie owie owie, I just need to be done now.” 11:00pm: call the doctor, cancel the bolus, Clover is coming out.

One of the worst things for me about this is that Kristin actually pushed harder and faster than was expected by anybody, nursing staff included. As a result I could see the tip of little Clover’s head poking out, but Kristin was not allowed to push her out yet because the doctor was not here yet. The contractions were still coming, but she had to just do little baby pushes and try to breathe through it. I was crying my eyes out. I could see Clover’s little head, my wife was in pain, and I was helpless.

The doctor came. WOOT WOOT!!! The doctor suited up, Kristin started to push, and after breath in, push, breathe in, push, breath in, push, breath in, push, and there she was. Just that fast. Seriously, the first contraction after the doctor entered the room was the only contraction the doctor got to see. I was sobbing, Nylene (Kristin’s mom) was in Kristin’s face keeping her focused (I had lost the ability to do so about an hour before that) and Paul (Kristin’s dad) was photographing the whole thing. I sent a text to my older brother Jake. I really appreciate him being there the whole time in spite of the distance between the two of us. I felt like he was there too. It was 11:28pm. I rounded it to 11:30 when I initially told everybody, but then I found out that that was the wrong thing to do, it was 11:28pm.

I lost it. I am a dad. Clover Anna Marie came to earth. She was here, and looking precious. I still cannot find the words to describe what I felt… feel… anything… I feel like it would be easier for me to explain trigonometry to a gold fish, in an understandable fashion, than explain the complete flood of emotion that came along with Clover. It was wonderful, she is wonderful, her mother is beautiful, and I am truly joyful.

Because of the meconium, Clover was running a temperature and breathing a little too fast… Kristin was also bleeding a little worse than the nursing staff felt like she should have. As a result, we did not get to leave the delivery room to our post-natal suite until about 1:45am. We got settled in, and I promptly fell asleep… facedown, half off the chair, still wearing my shoes. I was only planning on taking a small breather then going with the nurse to do a post inspection and bath with our baby. I crashed. Kristin thought it was so funny she had her mom take a picture; mind you the picture that she took was after I had rolled over and was given a blanket, and is also posted on facebook.

Clover is fine, her mother is fine, and we are good. We are expecting to be able to take our family home around dinner time on Christmas Eve.

With the story told, I would like to make a few acknowledgements. My heavenly father, thank you for providing a way for me to experience the joy of bringing one of your children into this world. Thank you for having the faith in the combined parenting skills of my wife and I, to place a perfect soul in our charge. My beautiful wife, thank you for growing Clover. Thank you for taking care of yourself and our child. Thank you for being patient with me over the last nine months, as well as trusting my judgment and respecting my opinions and requests. My parents, thank you for providing me with the love and support and example of a path one can take through life. Thank you for loving me and supporting me through my own journey even if it wasn’t at times anywhere near the journey you would have liked to see me on. It is my sincere desire to be as inspirational and as good to my child, and future children, as you have been to me. My brothers and sisters. I love you all so much. Thank you for being with me even though you weren’t with me. I felt a strong presence of family in the delivery room last night, and I know it was because you all love and care about me, and my new family. Thank you. My Everybodies, Thank you so much for the support, both spiritually and physically that you have offered over the last year in general, and the last couple days specifically. I have felt your prayers, and thoughts, and am grateful for all your presence in my life. My Clover, thank you for choosing to come to earth. Thank you for choosing me to be your dad. Thank you for doing your best to be alive and healthy, and not being sick in spite of your adventure of swimming around in your own poop for awhile inside of your mother. Among the spirits I felt in the room with me the other night, I felt some of my family who are no longer walking on the earth. Thank you for staying in touch. Thank you for providing me with such a powerful lineage, and presence on this earth. Thank you for taking care of my parents, and my parents parents, and my family, and watching over me as I begin my own small branch on our family tree.

As I write this right now, I think of putting that I could not be happier man… I don’t do it because I know that this is just the beginning. As I follow the births and lives of those near to me, I know that all I feel right now will only grow with every day I get to spend with my beautiful child… I will say that I never imagined that life could ever be so good.

Good night, I love you, thank you, merry Christmas, good night,

Peter Josiah Breinholt

Maybe if next time I add ketchup and mustard. Nah. Maybe not.

2009-12-16T19:04:00.003-07:00

Have I ever told you about the guy that ordered the bacon shake in an attempt to kind of stump me as a cashier? No? Okay then, here it is.

I was working at the ol’ Arptic Cirpcle one night, when a couple of high school kids came in and one thought he was really funny, and ordered a bacon shake. I promptly called the side of bacon into the microphone, and asked if there was anything else he wanted, like his order was no different than any other I had to deal with in my job. He just kind of looked at me like he didn’t understand. I asked him again, if he wanted anything else, and he was like “Dude, I didn’t really want it man.” And I was like “Dude, than why did you order the stupid thing bro?” In the kind of tone of voice you a parent would use on a kid who had to go to the bathroom now that they were in the car in spite of the parent asking them if they had to go before they left.

Anyway, it was pretty funny to me because the kid didn’t know what to do, and his friends were all laughing at him because nothing had gone as he planned, and now he didn’t know if I was going to demand that he buy the bacon shake or what. In order to encourage him to follow through with the gag, I told him I would give it to him for free if he would eat it at the register so I could see. He refused. I then told him I would buy the shake, and give him 5 bucks if he would eat it in front of the register, and he still said no.

I explained to him about upset I was by his lack of commitment to what could have been a pretty good joke, and then proceeded to eat the bacon shake that I had one of my worker bees make to show him how it was done, and what he should do if he felt like doing something silly in the future. After a couple parting shots and laughs and whoa’s from his friends they all left without buying anything.

The shake wasn’t that bad.

I tried it once with a corndog shake, at another store, and as the customer, because the joke definitely did have potential if carried out correctly in my mind.

It worked. The expressions on the faces were priceless.

The shake… (hissing inhale like “kshhsshsss”)… not so good.

I'm gonna learn karate or judo or something.

2009-12-14T21:45:00.004-07:00

I am starting to get a little nervous about this whole everything. I am realizing that there are so many things that can go wrong. I am moving across two states, over 600 miles… with a one month old baby. No, I have not even had the baby yet… I mean I know that I am not having the baby, but my wife is, so I kind of figure myself as having the baby by proxy… as the birthing coach… I am going to be a dad… that makes it my baby too… even though my wife is having it… Ohhhh man. Less than two more weeks until the due date. Sheesh.
I have been having nightmares lately… about everything that can go wrong. After everything goes wrong, or at least doesn’t go right in my dreams, I usually have a drink or smoke, in my dreams to finish off the night. *sidenote: I have not done either in over four years, since July 2005* The last time I was so stressed out I had get drunk in my dreams was when I found out I was going to lose my position at work.
Sometimes I am a little shocked by how my body handles stress. When I was a teenager, I would just get an upset stomach, same with pretty much up until the last couple of years. Now I am getting drunk in my nightmares and breaking out all over the place and not sleeping and getting heartburn and all that crap. If this is growing up, I don’t know if I am ready for it… or at least my body anyway.
It seems like there is giant fader in my life that has been moving from the EXCITED side to the NERVOUS side over the last nine months. I mean I am still excited, but it is getting harder and harder to ignore the parts of me that are worrying about the future, and I know that this is something that happens regularly, having a baby, but all the same… it kind of reminds me of like when I was a teenager and I would be like “You don’t understand, you can’t understand, you aren’t me, you are just my dad. You don’t even know what its like.” Hah ha, yeah right. Wow! I am so glad I got that out…
This has really put it in perspective. I am excited, and I do know that it is all going to be all right. I know that my wife and I have been planning very carefully the events about to unfold in our lives; I guess it is just human of me to kind of be scared of it all. I also realize that I have not completely mastered my fatalistic imagination. Phewf.
If you were here, I would say, wow this has been a really nice chat. Thanks for being there and letting me voice my concerns, and ultimately realize some of the absurdity about what is going through my mind. You’re awesome… thanks.
-p

I think I need to go to the dentist.

2009-12-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

I just really love to make noise. I don’t get it. When I am at work I just bang things around. Mind you, this doesn’t happen just at work, I make noise pretty much wherever I go. Why? I don’t know… for the heck of it? Whatever. Anyway, tonight I was working with a borrowed partner, and I was just slamming something against something. (At least half of the time I am not even aware of what I am doing until somebody tells me to knock it off before I get knocked out) And I am sure she was thinking something along the lines of “What on earth is going on… is this dude special needs or something?” When I saw the look on her face I looked her in the eye and yelled “I JUST LOVE MAKING NOISE!” as I dropped whatever I was banging and walked into the back to do some dishes. While I was washing the dishes I was thinking about how I would have to put this in the book. So there it is.

What if she likes bugs instead?

2009-12-07T22:11:00.006-07:00

I don't remember my chee chee having a hat.

Shopping for a little baby grrl. Wow. So have you ever seen the little blankets with the little animal heads coming out to of the middle? It is kind of like half stuffed animal half blankie. I really want to get one for Clover, but I kind of don’t at the same time. Like… I imagine her getting attached to it, and I will have to buy like 5 of them and pack 4 away to be used as replacements when the first one gets left on the bus or whatever, but then I am also thinking what about if she doesn’t get attached to it, and ends up loving a little rubber frog bath toy that has to everywhere with her instead? And then I’m thinking about my Chee-chee. I don’t think I got him until I was a bit older. And, yeah I loved my little stuffed monkey, but I don’t think he went everywhere with me… I may have to verify this with my mom… I don’t know. Anyway… long story short, how do I shop for a precious little person that I haven’t met yet? Do I do it the same way that I shop for my little nieces and nephews? Do I just try and visualize lil’ Clover being like “Oh man dad, that is the coolest rhinoceros head blanket I have ever seen… ever… no joke.” I don’t know.
Maybe I am kind of jumping the gun a little bit. I guess it depends on who you talk to, but how old until she starts having likes and dislikes? Is it just my treat to be able to dress my little punkin up however I want with no consequences? Ohhh man. Then I imagine when she is going to be like “Dad, I am going to wear my ballet princess dress… again.” I know that that time is at least 3 years(maybe?) away and then my head starts to smoke out the ears imagining what kind of jeans are going to be in vogue when she is like a teenager and what if she grows up faster than I want her to, and she starts acting like a teenager when she is only 9 and has a boyfriend and all I really want is for her to like the rhinocerous head blanket that I look at like 100 times and don't buy because what if she wants a dump truck instead?
Phewf. I think that one of my character flaws is that I have to take in everything as a whole. I know that I need to just take it one step at a time, but how do I do that whe I don’t even know where the first step is?

2 cents.

2009-12-05T22:25:00.003-07:00

A comment on *this post* by JLooney, after clicking the link on *this post* by TheMrRogers

As a survivor of a self inflicted, and very intentional, drug overdose:
I never really talked about this. I never really listened to peoples reactions to my choice either. I just wanted an end. I only remember a few things from that night. First, when I felt that I was beyond the point of no return, I could not stop crying… because I was sad. I would miss everybody, and imagined everybody not missing me. I knew I was wrong, but it was too late.
I remember my sister trying to talk to me because I could not stop crying. I wanted to tell her what was happening, but I couldn’t. I had made my choice, and I wasn’t about to fail at something else. I think that was part of it, was that I felt like a failure, like I could not get anything right. I was finished failing. I was going to succeed in spite of my hope that the failure fairy would come down and save me. I guess that’s why I wrote the note; it was my nature to create failure as an option.
I also remember my oldest brother yelling the question “How could I be so selfish?” After my sister found and showed him the note I scribbled. I can’t remember how I responded. By this time I was so out of it that all I remember is just laying in the back seat of the Wagoneer on the way to the hospital, and in spite of feeling guilty, being thankful that my choice was no longer my secret.
The events leading up to the night I tried to end my existence on earth… It has been a while. I was 12 years old. I remember not being clear about my belief system, and being done trying to figure out how to get along with the world. I hated school; I never really connected with my friends… I mean I had them sure, but I found out that when I shared some of the things on my mind or how I really felt, there was a disconnect. I felt alone.
I was in counseling. I would go on a walk with a doctor to make my mom happy, but I never really opened up to him. I am pretty sure both he and my mom knew as much.
I remember also, feeling like the teachers in school from kindergarten to grade seven had never really given me a chance. They all thought I was artistic and talented, but it seemed like was never allowed to share a table with the other kids. I was usually in a desk that faced the wall to inhibit my distractions or whatever. Whatever. It made me feel like a bad guy no matter how hard I tried… like I didn’t even get a chance to show anybody that I could be a good kid, and my teachers never did anything to show me that they thought other wise. Pretty much from day one I was a nuisance, ready or not.
*sidenote* Something I have found out since then is that many of the social and emotional problems I had as a kid were directly related to ADD. I guess these perceptions and feelings are what prompted the emotional response in *this idiotbook post.* It was like the speech had validated my perspective on the world in some way. *end note*
I guess I was a pretty negative kid in response to all this. I mean, not on the outside, I woke up everyday, went to school, and went home, whatever. I just didn’t ever see a point. I was mad that I wasn’t given a chance… in my opinion. I was too “crazy” for most of the kids in my social circles from church and school. My best friend was not allowed, by his parents, to come over to my house… ever. I never got a good explanation, but I could feel the reason. I have thought a few times in recent history about writing his parents a big “I think you were jerks, and you really messed me up, but I got over it” letter. I don’t think I ever will write it.
Let me get back to the point. I would like to say thanks to JLooney for sharing, and unintentionally prompting me to share… Like I said, I never really listened to the responses of those around me, or even really thought about what I did. I read his article and thought to myself “strange… I felt pretty much the same emotions he did, in spite of me sitting on the other side of the table.” I remember getting a lot of cards while I was in the psyche ward of the primary children’s hospital, from all my friends, and about how they missed me and all, but I also know that I don’t even really talk to any of them anymore, and haven’t for a large number of years. There are a few that I would like to reconnect with, I know I will have the opportunity to do so pretty soon, and plan to take full advantage of it. I guess the primary thing is that I had a problem. I suffered from chemical imbalances in my body that made it so I did not see the world the same way that others did… I am talking about depression as well as the previously mentioned ADD. I felt like there was no way I could cope with the weight of the world. I felt like I could not communicate, and even when I tried, it wasn’t getting through. There was, in my mind, nothing that anybody could do to change the choices I made that day, and it was never personal for anyone but myself.
I also read MrRoger’s comment. I think he has some pretty good insight. The one thing that he made me think about was that it all begins with being honest with yourself, or in my case, myself. I think that’s where it all starts. There have been times when I have never even wanted to acknowledge the things that I hate most about me, let alone share them with somebody else. That, in my opinion, is key.
I appreciate those who are around me, and who do support me. I know that at times I can be pretty hard to read or predict, and as a result I guess pretty hard to support. I guess I just appreciate the positive atmosphere I have managed to surround myself with. Pretty much my peeps have faith in the faith I have in myself and that is good enough for me. I know that I have chosen life. There has only been one time since the 7th grade that I have been close to changing my choice, I was however in an artificially induced state of mind at the time, and have never allowed myself to be so close to failure at life again.
I am writing this as much for me as for those who have been in situations like J, and for those who may feel like death is a better option. Let me tell you, it isn’t. I know.
-p

If this is the Holiday spirit, you can keep it.

2009-12-05T20:17:00.002-07:00

I have been working in customer service for the past 10 years of my life more or less. I really have a problem with the holiday season. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy some of what happens during Christmas time, but seriously people. Seriously. How come the season that is supposed to bring out the best of us as Christians or Americans or humans or whatever, brings out the worst in us?

Today was a Saturday. A weekend. A day of relaxation. I typically enjoy working Saturdays just because of the crowd that comes through my store; it usually helps me feel like work isn’t so bad. Not during the holidays. It seems like everybody is in a worse mood on the weekends than on a Monday morning. What the heck?

This is the season of giving, of charity, of forgiveness, I don’t care who you are. Everybody does something this time of year even if it is as passive as enjoying the lights or the smells or the weather. Hate to break it to you, but comfort food was not invented during the summer. Why in spite of so much visible charity and crap do people have to be such jerks? Seriously, I can’t understand it.

I appreciate all the large things that happen during this time of year. At a school meeting a couple weeks ago, we raised $60 just by passing a brown paper bag around the room and explaining it was for a service mission. Cool stuff. There are Christmas trees with ornaments in our lobby at work that with Christmas requests from needy families. The requests are being filled. Way cool. I am sure I am going to be bombarded with reports over the next couple weeks saying things like “We were able to collect $xxxx for xxxxx during the month of December. Thank you everybody, good job us.” I can get behind the spirit of the report. But think about it, why does everybody have to be so epic? Why are we so focused as a general population that we have to focus on what can physically be documented as good will, as opposed to just having good will and being okay with that? I enjoy a pat on the back as much as anybody else, but c’mon.

I was cussed out today by at least four different customers, one of them a steady regular, who even went so far as to say “I only go to this store because you guys are the only ones who can do it right” after lighting me up for putting whipped cream on top her drink. I had somebody I didn’t know yelling at me demanding to talk to my manager and my district manager before she would even consider leaving the store because I was being so idiotic, especially after pointing out to her the sign, on the back of the register, which said we do not do what she was asking me to do. Today I had a 400% increase of inappropriate and disproportionate angry customers in realation to the last six months combined. Why? It was a Saturday… during the holidays. How retarded.

I went to Costco and watched an older middle age (does that make sense?)lady literally ram another middle aged lady out of her way with the cart. The rammed lady turned and flipped the rammer off. The rammer simply rammed again. Keep in mind; I was in the same traffic jam, caused by a spontaneous line forming in front of a free pizza sample, as if none of these people ever had pizza before, or at least Costco pizza, which is inherently the best because it can be purchased at Costco. (I shop there, I like it, I appreciate the values and offers and everything, but I think people can get a bit carried away sometimes) Anyway, the rammed lady just stood there for a minute, then said “F*** lady, do you want a piece or what?” and while stomping off. It blew my mind. These were literally grandmas, (I saw representatives from all 3 generations of the rammed ladies family in the same line) duking it out over waiting for 25 seconds to get from point A to point B and a small sample of pepperoni freaking pizza. holy crap.

Anyway, the point of this is: it would be nice if everybody did, but you do not need to buy everything on sale so you can give it all away to make other people happy to feel the holiday spirit. Just be polite. Do what you do every other time of year. Don’t be a jerk. Don’t be epic. Just be patient. In fact, enjoy yourself. Have fun waiting in line. Understand that you are making a choice to put yourself in these situations, don’t make everybody else pay because it wasn’t what you imagined. Please. Please. Please. If all else fails, be glad you are alive. That has to mean something doesn’t it? Team humanity? C’mon guys, same team. Don’t let the holidays ruin it. Don’t let the only happy moments and simple kindnesses of the season be stolen away to only exist in the movies that are so characteristic of this season. Live them. Make your own happy movies and quirky and therefore memorable shopping trips. Don’t leave it to someone else. This one starts with you.

Please.

Veggie Straws are pretty much my new favorite snackfood.

2009-12-03T23:04:00.004-07:00

My favorite part of this picture is that I managed to get the construction sign saying please drive safely, which I was by the way.

Phewf.
I totally spilled the beans. It was on purpose, but the beans have been spilt. The shroud of secrecy has been lifted. We are moving to Salt Lake. I put my transfer papers in today. Funny thing about the migration back to Zion (zy-un, not zy-on), I never really planned on going back. When I left, I left, and that was that. I mean I didn’t really have a plan for anything, but of all the plans I didn’t really have, moving back to the 801 was never even conceivable. Some of the places I have imagined living since leaving include Nevada, California, Alaska, Virginia, New York, Australia and Arizona.

I think I have changed a bit since I left though. I know that I did not really value the concept of family. I have since then changed my opinion somewhat about what is valuable and what is not as far as associations go. The fact that I will be close to my family is one of the many driving factors for the move. I am kind of pumped about the idea of having barbecues with my siblings, and woot woot, our kids. Yep. I am going to be dad and Uncle Pete. I remember liking my uncles when I was growing up. I mean I still do and all, but I have some pretty vivid memories of things like Thanksgiving and family reunions and other parties when I was still a little kid. I am pretty pumped about being one of those cool memories for my sibling’s kids.

I am excited about experiencing familiar surroundings with a different mindset. I am not going to be visiting many of my old haunts, and the ones I do visit will be with a different goal in mind. I am curious to see what sort of emotions I experience as I reacquaint myself with my hometown.

I am going to miss San Diego… kind of… I think I am going to miss the people I have met more than the city. It has been a rough couple months because I have finally started making friends and now that I am developing a social life outside of my marriage I am leaving it all behind. I have been part of a management team for most of my tenure in SD, and as a result I have not really been able to get too close with pretty much everybody that I work with outside of work. I have worked on breaking down my isolated mentality over the last year since the layoff, and have had some pretty cool results. I am not excited about starting all over.

Anyway… our family will be moving to Utah in February. Cool. Not as cool Jason, but still pretty cool. I have many thoughts on the subject, but am having trouble organizing them. I am sure there will be plenty more to read on this subject over the next month or so.

-p

Thinking about bringing a baby into the world.

2009-11-30T20:48:00.003-07:00

Ready or not here I come.

Wow, what a week…end. I went to our birthing class over the weekend. It was intense. I found out that there is a little more to having a baby than I realized. It also kind of drilled it home that this is happening. I am going to be a dad. Hmmm.
There have been little things that have happened over the last nine months that have kind of like put another little brick on the load of realization, but no one thing has put so many bricks on as the class did, aside from I think the first ultrasound where I could see the actual shape of the baby. I seriously had to fight back the tears like every 10 minutes or so during the class just because I was imagining spending time with the little peanut growing in my wifey’s tummy.
Am I ready? I don’t know, I really hope so. I think that although I may not be able to plan for what is going to happen exactly, but I have a good idea about the gist of it… and have the ability to do my best, I guess I just worry that my best may not be enough. (my favorite poster about this subject) You know? I have never been so sincerely sure and unsure at the same time about the same thing.
I do know that I have many powerful tools, abilities, and resources at my disposal, and that makes me feel a little better about things.
In home-ec? class in high school, I failed the “bring the baby home for a weekend and turn the key when it cries” assignment. I am not sure if I “killed” the baby 7 times, or just had CPS potentially called on me 7 times. I do know that I tried hard, but never woke up when it cried, or turned the key to hard or something. I don’t know. I failed. That’s all.
I know that I have grown quite a bit since then, and that the assignment may not be relevant given my current frame of mind and all other things considered, especially the fact that I won’t be doing it myself. *sigh*
I am so excited to be married to my wife and having a kid. That is the bottom line. I am so pumped that the fear or nerves or whatever seems almost trivial, I guess I just feel like I need to acknowledge it because it is there. But I am pumped.
-p

thanx dood.

2009-11-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving… What an interesting holiday. My little sister brought up kind of a funny interpretation in a conversation we had the other night. In her family they say thank-yous around the dinner table every night, much the same way many families say prayers or grace or whatever. She thought it was funny that there was a holiday where pretty much most of America stops and worships the way she does. It kind of made us both chuckle.

I appreciate graciousness. I like the way there is a holiday dedicated to manners. I like it when little kids say thank you when I give them their hot chocolates or cookies at work. I like it when people thank me for doing a good job or whatever. I am pretty sure most people like to hear thank you as well. It is my goal to turn this next year into Thanksgiving year as opposed to just having a thanksgiving day. I will not gorge myself sick every day, but I will be thankful every day. I think I will start with a gratitude list, like my sister. Funny.

I am grateful for:

Pretty girls (specifically my wife)

Pilates balls

School

Getting smart

Awesomicity

Plane tickets

Pink bb guns

Ride-on lawn mowers

Moms

Jobs

Tips

Grumpy people

Happy people

Motorcycles

Helmet laws

Tacos

Burritos

Headphones

Cowboy hats

Pianos

Guitars

Cups with handles

Nachos

Fake tattoos

Instruction books for wristwatches

Grape juice

Bean bags

Rainy days

Sunny days

Stupid people

Pocket change

Mustache wax

Elephants

Swordfish

Sewing machines

Duct tape

Angus the movie

Best friends

Friends… period

Postage stamps

St. George

Wool socks

Stephen Segal movies

Jean Claude Van Damme movies

Swimsuits

New bearings

Barbecues

Tiny dogs

Ska

Babies

Happy babies

Cute babies

Clover babies

My babies

Movie theatres

Twilight

Leather jackets

Glue guns

Pellet guns

Braids

Bed time

Goodnight.

-p

I bought my wife a snuggie for Christmas.

2009-11-21T20:56:00.004-07:00

Sometimes I feel like San Diego is the time out corner of the United States. I am willing to bet that I have a couple other siblings who feel the same except for kind of different… like some may say that Ketchikan Alaska is the true time out corner. I am willing to bet the Piper Jane thinks that New York is the time out corner. Anyway, I feel like San Diego is... Just sayin’

Today Kristin came home from work for the last time before Clover is born… Maybe forever… What if she likes hanging out with Clover so much that she just tells work to kick rocks? What if she just likes having a baby instead of working? What if she just doesn’t feel like working and having a baby at the same time, and doesn’t want to give her baby away, so gives work away instead? Ohhhhh man.

What if?

…

It is crazy to think that we thought we were ready for this around this time last year. Wow. Since then pretty much every plan we had has done this: *Pshkewwwwwwwwshk* No seriously. I re-read some parts of idiot book over the last week and it has really made me think about how things have happened over the last year.

I was talking to my cousin Holly yesterday, and she was like “Ohhhh man, 2010 is going to be an awesome year for you guys.” I was just thinking about how it is really hard to imagine 2010 being any crazier than 2009. I also remember around the first of the year this year talking to my wife about how this year is going to be an awesome year. We were soooo pumped. We were sooooo not let down either.

Let me just say that I am a happy man. I am super excited about what life has in store. I am feeling the awesomicity going through the roof pretty much everywhere. Like imagine the way it feels the day before your birthday or Christmas and times it by at least a wheelbarrow. Okay, got it? Now add a staple gun and about 27 road flares, and that is about what it is like for the Breinholt’s San Diego Franchise right now. Off the hook.

The other cat in the hat.

2009-11-01T17:40:00.002-07:00

So today I did a little window shopping. It has still not quite sunk in that I am going to have to start sporting a winter wardrobe as well as summer. I was looking at coats. The low last night was 54, and the temperature right now is 74. It is hard to shop for snow coats with the AC on. Anyway. Yep. Only three more weeks until Maternity leave starts for Kristin. Yay. I cannot wait until she does not have to drive for an hour everyday just to stand on the floor at work and sell purses for 8 hours then come home tired and grumpy because she would just rather grow a Clover full time. What else. Oh yeah, we have been living with Kristin’s parents for the last two weeks now and we are coping okay. It has been a real treat to kind of just hang out and get better acquainted. I still take the wrong exit on the way home form work about 2 out of every three times, but I plan on getting better. So… I guess that’s it for now. It doesn’t feel like winter, I dressed as a skeleton for Halloween, again, and we are living with the Andersons. -p

Laying it on.

2009-10-29T23:50:00.003-06:00

I have been putting this off for way to long. I feel like although I have been semi current on facebook, I should do a little better with my real status updates. I decided that I was going to put something meaningful up tonight no matter what, and I came home and saw my little sister's post and that added to john's work lately only strengthened my resolve.

Funny thing about that, the whole if they can do it, I can do it thing. Yesterday they closed down the 94 freeway because there was a jumper. I think there was one about a week ago too, on the same stretch of freeway. That was the topic of conversation this morning, not the jumper per se, but the idea that it happens in spurts, like this post. Anyway, long story short, I am not jumping, just posting. Okay maybe it’s not funny. Whatever.

One of the reasons that I have been a little quiet is for some of the same reasons as my sister, I feel like a giant well of negativity, and I do not want to share it with the world. I feel like that was something that I did enough as a kid. But that’s just it. I do feel like I need to blow off a little steam. Let’s just start at the top.

I hate keeping secrets. I am not very good with long term deception. I mean I am good for joke or prank or even for adding a few flourishes to a story or whatever, but a serious deceptive lifestyle, I am not okay with. I wish I could just tell the world. *sigh*

I am sick of working for Starbucks. I refuse to sell stupid VIA. I feel that it is wrong to try and use our troops at war to push sales. If I wanted to be asking people to make donations, I would be working for a charity of some sort. One of the things that I most enjoyed about working for this company in the past is how their outstanding goal was to “Enrich our customer’s daily lives in 3 minutes or less.” I feel like the focus has now been changed to something like “Lets see how much money we can manage to get our customers to spend at our store everyday, five times a day if possible, and going so far as to push sales by asking them to buy coffee and donate it to the troops, because they, “the troops,” may really want to drink Starbucks coffee as opposed to the coffee they have available in the Middle East.” Stupid. I must say, that to my DM’s credit, in response to the overall change in attitude has asked us to actively stop pushing VIA. I really appreciate his action, but… If I were to punch you in the face and then say “just kidding” to try and make it all better, it would still hurt. I am not opposed to doing things to help our soldiers. I appreciate the outstanding response I see from concerned and caring people everyday. I just feel that using patriotism to for monetary gain is a horrible thing to do.

Wow. I am already feeling better. In fact, guess what! I am going to be a dad. In December my precious little wifey is going to have our first little baby. Wow. This is gonna be awesome. I kind of feel like I am not going to know what to do, but I also feel like I have the tools to take care of business. I am still a little nervous about finding a job that will take care of the financial strain that another member of my family will add, however I am confident that I am able to do what is necessary.

I have really felt like making a smoker lately. I don’t know why, but I can’t get the idea out of my head. I think that maybe some time over the next couple weeks I will try and cold smoke some things like cheese or different types of vegetables, just because I can do this on my gas barbecue. I don’t know where this craving has come from, but I can’t wait to exercise it.

I like to play the guitar. I think that I am going to have to start practicing soon. Maybe I will play while I smoke the cheese.

Phew. This has taken a while. I think that I have conquered this block for now. I guess that is just something that only time will tell. I have noticed though, that as December draws closer it is easier to imagine happy days again.

-p

puddle jumping.

2009-09-28T10:40:00.001-06:00

Moving... for the first time in over 2 years. Wow. Soooooo. Let me give some details. We are going to move in with Kristin's parents, this is a temporary move designed to give us the ability to save a few bucks while my beautiful wife is on maternity leave. This will also be an awesome opportunity to hang with the parents for a bit. We are both super excited for this opportunity.
Now is where it gets a bit tricky. If you receive any of the monthly newsletters I subscribe to, you may have read something in an article by Beth. This is true, however cannot make any comments about the rumors publicly. However if you were to call, I would be more than happy to fill you in on what is really going on.
That is pretty much the largest goings on around here. Besides Mimi an john coming to visit this Thursday! Sah-weet.

About the birds.

2009-09-21T01:28:00.005-06:00

This post is a comment on a Reagan's post. It just got too long to fit in the comment box, so I decided everyone could do with knowing a little more about the birds.

The picture is not quite completely unrelated... Maybe I think... I added it last... I like putting three dots instead of commas... Anyway, it is of Shamu, an Orca whale, also not indigenous to San Diego, but quite commonly sighted, especially at 11:30am, 2:30pm, and 7pm on Saturdays and Sundays.

I know that we have a flock of parrots here in El Cajon. They are the green and red ones that typically reside on pirate shoulders. I know that San Diego is all exotic sounding, and is often thought of as a tropical destination and everything with palm trees and beaches and stuff like that, so that should not be out of place right? Wrong. We are actually Mediterranean / Mid latitude desert. That means that most of the birds around here are similar to birds found anywhere, pigeons, doves, ducks, and of course coastal birds such as seagulls and pelicans. A full list of common, and uncommon birds can be found at this link.

Anyway, moving on to the point. The story according to what I have heard, (I have never dedicated the time to check the facts), there was a fire in a building complex housing a bird store with all these exotic birds, and they were set free as the employees realized that they could not save all of the birds. Now they fly around here squawking like crazy pretty much all the time. It is kind of funny to hear them fly over head because they never shut up, so you hear them from like a mile away, then they fly over all chaotically. They have no idea what a flying “V” is, so I assume that they have never seen the Mighty Ducks.

Anyway… In order to enhance my extrinsic awesomicity, I did a little research for you.

Here are a couple spots that may be a little more help with the birds in your locale:

A blog about Queens, kind of a negative, I am not sure how relevant due to the type of bird.

Another link that may be more applicable to your question.

I found this guy too.

my wife gets mad at me when i put her underwear on my head.

2009-09-14T14:15:00.002-06:00

Maybe if i explain that it will help me stop snoring, it will be okay.

Sometimes despair sets in out of the blue.

2009-09-14T03:06:00.002-06:00

Maybe the internet isn’t the best outlet for some things. Whatever.

I feel like I may have tapped into some of the emotional instability that comes with pregnancy. To this day I have experienced cravings, aches and weight gain, all of which I am attributing to empathy pains. Tonight I couldn’t sleep. Kristin and I were discussing plans of which cannot be made public yet, and the discussion took us late into the night. I finally got on the computer at about 12:15 am this morning because when I get on the computer my wife falls asleep, much like taking a baby on a car ride. Anyway, she had sweet little crying session a little earlier tonight. I was sitting here playing solitaire, getting myself tired as I was putting my wife to sleep. What happened? Yep, if you guessed that I started crying for no reason whatsoever than you guessed right. Good job. I am seriously wiping my face as I am typing through the blurs right now. I don’t understand it. I mean, I guess I was thinking about some old but maybe still kind of sensitive stuff, but seriously. I have never cried while thinking about my flight from the 801 before. Why would I start now, literally years after the fact? I mean I guess there are a few things about my trip that I never really told anybody. For me personally, it was an act of self preservation. I was in “really poor space” as Blaine, my weekend counselor at the Utah Boys Ranch, would have put it. I needed to leave. In retrospect I see that I may have burnt a few bridges with my abrupt departure. There are quite a few wounds that I left gaping open on myself as well as others. I have thought many times over through various apology conversations or explainations with people I left behind. I have imagined many times what it would have been like if I could have taken some people with me, or even just left under different circumstances. There have been many occasions when I have thought about how much I did really leave in that valley. Of what I did leave, the majority of it is stuff that I wish to never have to deal with again. The only problem is that some of the stuff I left behind kinda stings me every now and then. I’m feeling like that right now is one of those times. Maybe it will be easier for me to sleep now that I have thought it all out. My nose is still a little stuffy, but my eyes have stopped running. This pregnancy thing is tough. I would totally trade the way I feel now for a trip to the grocery store for butter finger ice cream and dill pickles. I have always understood that I am an empath to an extent, but some times I wish that I could just turn it off.

On my lunch break.

2009-09-06T18:37:00.003-06:00

The bridge this sign is on is over a mile long. I thought it was funny.

The handle on my “I *heart* NY” mug broke last week. It is now a pencil cup at work. I am looking at right now. It is my lunch break and I am in the black doing homework… kind of. I guess that since idiot book is doing double duty as my theater journal this is homework right?

My tan is starting to peel. That means that summer is officially getting over and I am spending more time inside than out. I am glad that I am not spending much time inside though, that would be gnarly, but not good gnarly, bad gnarly.

Only 24 more days until Mimi, John, and Kelton come to visit. Yay! Maybe this time we will get a picture of Kelton by the Kelton road sign. That would be cool.

Anyway…

Time to get back to the salt mines.

Sometimes Starbucks make me Crazy.

2009-09-05T16:33:00.002-06:00

Some things that I have thought about over the past couple days.
-Julie & Julia: I went and saw the movie with my wife. It was interesting. There is one F-bomb that kind of took us by surprise. Aside from that, Kristin though it was one of the cutest movies ever. I left thinking that it would maybe inspire me to be a little more diligent on my blog… not working yet.
-Clover and Mimi’s baby: I don’t know if any of you realize this… buuuuuuuuttt December is only 3 months away. Yep, it’s true. Maya is almost 4. It has been almost 4 years since I almost threw up over dinner at the Chinese restaurant where my fortune cookie said “Kristin will you marry me?” On that note, how cool will it be to have 2 more cousins for all of our other little cousins, at the same time! Maybe we can move Christmas to San Diego this year. Everybody walks out the door from mimi’s delivery and goes straight to the airport.
-Getting a different job: I have been trying to get this mental hospital to hire me so that I can start working in a field a little closer to one that I would like to work in when I am all grown up. I guess I am not mental enough or something… I don’t know. Maybe they will call me tomorrow.
-Motorcycles: It has been a real pleasure over the last couple months to be able to ride my “mokie-moke” everyday. There are times when I am riding that I really wish I had more than 250cc’s of power between my legs. Then I realized that my motorcycle will be paid off pretty quick here… I think… (10 minutes later) Nope. I was wrong. I bought the bike last August, not last January. I guess no new bike for a bit. ‘sokay though, because I do like my bike, just sometimes not as much as others.
-School: This semester is pretty promising. What is it promising? Plenty of homework, that’s what. But I’m okay with it. I feel myself getting smarter pretty much every class except maybe my math class.
-Math Class: My teacher is kind of… not smart… I think. He talks to us like we are third graders, we have a seating chart, he is rude, and immensely arrogant. I am a little bummed because I am going to have to stick it out for the rest of the semester in this class, and I am afraid that he may not be telling me the truth when he says this will be the best and most applicable math class that I have ever had. Here is the most recent example of idiocy: This is a story from our lecture last wed, I was so irritated I had to tell everybody. We were working on section 1.4 in the book: Section 1.4 Using the definitions of trigonometric functions: Reciprocal identities, Pythagorean identities, quotient identities. Okay… title makes sense. How about exercise set 61 through 68. “Use identities to solve each of the following. See examples 5-7” the heading says. My professor reads it in front of the class, makes a stupid face and says “Identities, what are those, that’s stupid. Lets look at a problem… Ah ha! We can solve these, let me show you… *solves problem on the board*… See ? You don’t need identities, you just need to know how to think, and you will be smarter for it. I don’t know what identities are and I don’t care, memorizing is stupid.” Seriously. I have never been left speechless from a lecture in a math class until now, and I was shocked. Any way, this is going to be a trip… math class.

this is not at all what i was planning when i sat down.

2009-09-02T11:35:00.004-06:00

Stupid haircuts. I know that I have had my fair share. I am still not sure if I truly did it because I thought it looked cool, or because I knew it would alienate me further from the norm growing up or if I did it just because I could and many people I knew either couldn’t or didn’t dare. I don’t know. I guess that the thing that makes me think about it is that most of the stupid haircuts I had when I was a kid are considered normal haircuts where I am today. I will not allow my baby to have a mohawk until they are old enough to cut it themselves. It is kind of a trip for me to think that way, but that’s just how I feel. I guess when I was acting like an idiot, not only considering failure as an option, but embracing it as a way of life, I also determined that I would not ever have a meaningful relationship with a girl or ever have a kid. I knew that I would not be able to provide what I know that a child or relationship would need in order to be in any way successful. I lived my life accordingly. I understand that success is very subjective, but come on, seriously. I honestly cannot believe that anybody truly wants to be a drunk or addict when they grow up. I personally have embraced failure, because I was too lazy or depressed or drunk to be capable of achieving anything else. That doesn’t mean that I liked it. In fact I hated it… and that was the problem that they fed each other, my feelings and my actions. They were a cycle of self destruction… and when people would point it out I would act proud of what I was. “Yeah, you’re right. I did it on purpose. I was hoping that looking like this would make it so you wouldn’t want to come over here and talk to me because you are an idiot.” Any way, I guess this is part of growing up. I totally lost my train of thought. Maybe more on this later… I don’t know... Oh yeah! The bottom line, this post is not really about haircuts, understand that, haircuts just got me thinking.

I decided to write everytime I could not focus on HW.

2009-08-26T22:38:00.001-06:00

Underneath one of the bridges on my way to school, there are sensors for the traffic light. I always like this particular spot because the road crew that last sealed the cracks screwed around a bit and turned all the sensors in one lane into faces. It always makes me smile. I think I am going to put my camera in my bag this week so I can make sure to get a picture of them next time I make the trip to campus. Speaking of which, week one is over. I have no more classes until next Monday. I have plenty of homework to do between now and then, but I don’t have any class… until Saturday. Oh yeah. I signed up to get my CPR and First aid certification in order to aid my new job venture. I will be taking my class this Saturday from 8a to 4p. Booooorrrriiinng. I understand that it is necessary, and it’s not like I am being forced to go, but all the same, I have had these certifications before, and they weren’t that exciting. I hope that I never have to use them. I think next time I start to die in a public place, and somebody tries to help, I will ask for ID and credentials. No... Maybe not, that would be counter productive.

punching sharks in the nose = bad idea

2009-08-26T11:18:00.002-06:00

Last night my wife and watched a couple episodes of BONES. That is like our current favorite tv show. We have the first 3 seasons on dvd. I think that is hilarious. I don’t think that death and crime are funny, but I do appreciate the way they have managed to portray what they do in a matter less dramatically than CSI. I also like it because even though there is a little bit of grossness, gore is not a focal point of the series. I appreciate the humor in the show, because it is similar to much of the humor I have used/seen used in both my forensic classroom as well as numerous lectures I have attended involving criminal investigation.

I keep forgetting to bring my camera with me to school. I am a little frustrated about it because I have been thinking about how I should not just take pictures of everything that interests me on vacations. It will also help supplement my journal more adequately. I will be like a tourist of my life.

I am super pumped about my Spanish class. I have always thought about learning Spanish, but never really did. Most of what I learned I have learned from talking to people that I work with. After doing my homework last night I felt like I was beginning to get a real understanding of the language. One of my goals is to use Spanish as much as possible. That means ordering my food, dealing with some of my customers, and calling my sister in Spanish. I cannot wait to try it out for real.

I am very excited about what life has to bring over the next couple months. I cannot remember a time in my life when I have been so completely pumped about the future. Seriously. I cannot remember being in such a consistent good mood as I have over the past couple days since ever.

What is my message today? Life is good. Seriously. Check it out.